Whoever said "beware the Ides of March" was extremely right: on that accursed date this year, two Canadians of ill repute had a verbal altercation in da club. By this, I obviously mean that disgraced Toronto mayor Rob Ford was insulted by churlish imp Justin Bieber at an exclusive Toronto nightclub.
According to a report in the Toronto Star, the mayor took four men he had met outside of City Hall (where one hangs out when one is mayor) to a club called Muzik. Their vehicle of choice was a party bus. Once in the club, he ran into Justin Bieber, a mischievous folkloric being known to haunt various VIP areas.
According to an onlooker, "Ford tried to shake Bieber's hand and became enraged when Bieber jokingly asked him, 'Did you bring any crack to smoke?'" Security then ushered him into his own private booth, away from the surly pop star.
In closing, notorious cheeky lil shit Bieber has truly out-cheekied himself. Congrats to him? Idk. The world is a sad place, guys. [The Star]
Lily Allen, whose new schtick seems to be aggressively "calling out" other famous women in her songs for literally no good reason, angered model Jourdan Dunn with some of her exceedingly unnecessary lyrics:
I don't give a f**k about Delevingne/Or that Rita girl/About Jourdan Dunn/I don't wanna know about your perfect life/Your perfect wife and it makes me sick/I don't give a f**k about your Instagram/About your lovely house or your ugly kids.
Lily, nooooooo. Jourdan Dunn (who does have a child) was obviously not pleased about this; she wrote on Twitter, "Ermm @lilyallen who's 'ugly kids' was you talking about in this song??" Lily Allen's thoughtful and totally justifiable defense, which she later deleted: "your name rhymes with 'one'. Sorry." And then she added, "I'm sick of explaining my lyrics to people, they're pop songs, no more, no less. If you don't get it or like it, look the other way. Simples."
Industry pro-tip: if you don't want people to interpret your lyrics as insulting other women, don't have your lyrics be a series of insults pointed at other women!!!!! Also, a lot of stuff rhymes with "one." [ONTD]
Kim Kardashian celebrated the international holiday of Throwback Thursday by posting a photo of herself and her baby eating lunch with Anna Wintour. The baby has already learned to locate and stare into whatever camera phone is nearest. Good work, team. [Bossip]
- A Pussycat Doll says that the group "stood for female empowerment" — which is a sentiment one might disagree with, BUT it is true that they had a song called "I Don't Need A Man," about man-free orgasms, which is chill. [Billboard]
- Avril Lavigne's racist dubstep garbage song is on the Billboard Hot 100 now :( [Billboard]
- Robin Thicke is maybe gonna do a lawsuit because some magazines say that he and his wife had a three-way relationship with a masseuse, which he "categorically denies." [Bossip]
- Rihanna wore green lipstick and looked sooooo cool at the IHeartRadio Music Awards. If I wore green lipstick I would look like a consumptive baby in the Middle Ages. [E!]
- Also, Jared Leto wore a fashion skirt over his pants. [Just Jared]
- Cressida Bonas is on "compassionate leave" from work after her breakup from Prince Harry. [E!]
- Meanwhile, Harry is in Miami. Here is an extraordinarily detailed account of what he ate the other night and what music he listened to while cavorting in a night club. [Us]
- This is really beautiful: here's Nick Carter and Jordan Knight reenacting their ridiculous old boy band photos. [ONTD]
- Aaaaand there's a very belated Pippa Middleton Wedding Butt Truther out there in the world. [People]
- Affable guitar person Ed Sheeran rejected the opportunity to have the first verified Tinder account, saying, "It sounds quite creepy doing that. You're just using your celebrity status to hook up with chicks." [EW]