According to television wise-cracker John Slattery, whose scripted lines have led me to believe that he is an exceedingly clever person, Mad Men co-star Jon Hamm is too wily for pranking. And Slattery should know because he and the rest of the scheming Mad Men cast tried to prank Hamm, but the bestubbled star actually lives up to his on-screen persona's intelligence. Said Slattery,
We were going to do this thing when you just mouth the words with no volume, no sound, coming out, and it wasn't even that funny. Elisabeth [Moss] would say that I chickened out, but I think I was just trying to concentrate on what I was doing.
Though Slattery's attempt to gaslight Jon Hamm into thinking that he was deaf probably wouldn't have even worked on a toddler, Slattery wasn't the only one trying to prank Hamm, who also fended off a some Vincent Kartheiser mischief. "But," said Slattery, "that didn't work either. Hamm is too smart. He kind of is un-Punkable." [People]
Speaking of people who hate Kim Kardashian with a fervor that is perhaps out of proportion to her annoying persistence in the limelight, PETA has released a vitriolic statement saying that if Kim decides to press charges against her flour-bomber (whom the group insists it has nothing to do with), she'll only prove to the entire world how cold she is, and dumb.
If she presses charges, at least people will be constantly reminded of her selfish, callous disregard for the cruel deaths that she causes by wearing fur. How much better it would be if she decided to evolve and enhance her image by donating her vulgar furs and exotic-animal skins to the homeless. The activist acted from the heart, something Kim doesn't seem to have.
The statement concludes that Kim should "get a life, the very thing she denies animals." Burn! PETA also — perhaps too hastily — offered to pay the defense costs for the flour "activist," an offer that they'll probably now have to follow through on once Kim files charges for the flour attack with law enforcement officials sometime this week. [TMZ]
Madonna's new video for "Girl Gone Wild" (note the clever copyright law evasion!) has been deemed much too sexy for YouTube, the place where any viewer of any age can easily watch a home video of a dog eating its own vomit, but not a hyper-stylized production featuring chiseled male dancers gyrating in hosiery and high heels. The only identity hoop you have to jump through, though, to "prove" that you're in fact 18 is clicking on a button that reads, "I confirm that I am 18 years of age or older." Or just watch it here, since we understand that the internet is more or less a computer screen-sized peephole into all kinds of filthy, unreasonably censored things. You can also watch it on the Post's website, but not because its editors are doing you a favor, rather, because they're depraved and morally bankrupt. [Page Six]
- Jennifer Lawrence told David Letterman the other night that her older brothers used to pin her to the ground, spread peanut butter all over her face, and lock her in the basement with the Lawrence family's peanut butter-loving dachshunds, which all sounds really terrible except that, having been a less sadistic older brother myself, it's pretty much exactly the sort of shit that older brothers do all the time. [People]
- Former Survivor cast member Rupert Boneham thinks he can actually be elected governor of Indiana after receiving the state's Libertarian Party's nomination. Good people of Indiana, prepare yourselves for some "building fire" allegories. [AP]
- To celebrate being dropped from Bravo's The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Camille Grammer made out with an attractive gentleman in a Las Vegas club while sitting across his lap and holding what I'm going to call a phallic fertility idol until someone else tells me that it's just a phallic glow stick. [E!, TMZ]
- Sounds like Tami Roman is having a bad hair day! Get it? Oh, dammit, I ruined a perfectly original joke — the Basketball Wives star is facing a lawsuit from a Crème De La Crème Hair for not featuring one of their products on her show, which she had agreed to do. That's why she'd be having a bad hair day, were it not for my syntactical clumsiness. [TMZ]
- Celebrities also think Geraldo's an asshole, with Parks and Recreation's Aziz Ansari at their Twitter vanguard: "It's really appropriate to tweet this any day, but seriously - F—k you Geraldo." [E!]
- With iconic cast members The Situation and Snooki hitching a ride on the wagon, Jersey Shore producers are hoping to replace the sober pair with some Italian Americans who are worth their weight in Goldschlager. [TMZ]
- Marty York, the guy who played Yeah-Yeah in The Sandlot, scared a Las Vegas housekeeper by not responding to her frantic attempts to rouse him from a heavy though not life-threatening stupor. Just to be safe, the housekeeper called 911 and an emergency crew arrived on-the-double to give York one of the worst hangover experiences possible. [TMZ]
- One man's desperate bid to blackmail Lindsay Lohan is fizzling — investigators found no evidence of even a minor collision on the body of Lohan's supposedly person-smashing Porsche. [TMZ]
- How do you know when a female-driven story like The Hunger Games has been successful? When Mattel toy tinkerers decide to make a Barbie out of its protagonist, Katniss Everdeen. [Reuters]
- Good news for Silvio Berlusconi's future bunga bunga goers — the former Italian prime minister just moved next door to George Clooney at Lake Como. [Vulture]
- Hey, everyone! Kevin Federline is thin again! Or he's wearing some sort of oversized, optical illusion polo shirt. [People]