Johnny Depp Is Producing the Michael Jackson Musical Not One Goddamn Person Wants or Needs

Please gird your neurons. Johnny Depp is producing an unauthorized musical about Michael Jackson that contends all of Jackson’s problems were actually the fault of his glove, which is from outer space. I’ll give you a second to re-read that bonkers of a run-on sentence.

“For the Love of a Glove: An Unauthorized Musical Fable About the Life of Michael Jackson, as told by his Glove” is said to be a “look into the strange forces that shaped Michael and the scandals that bedeviled his reputation,” according to Page Six.

Actors will use life-size puppets to play the following: Jackson 5, Donny Osmond, Emmanuel Lewis, Corey Feldman, and Bubbles the Chimp. What?

Here’s how creator Julien Nitzberg (of The Beastly Bombing or A Terrible Tale of Terrorists Tamed by the Tangles of True Love) described the impetus of the show:

“I’m known for writing a lot of biopics,” he said. “A major TV network wanted me to write a [Jackson] movie … but the question came up [about] how to deal with the child-abuse allegations.” When the network and Nitzberg disagreed, “I said, how’s this? Everything MJ has been accused of has actually been caused by his glove, which is actually an alien from outer space [and] feeds on virgin boy blood. They laughed and said, can you do the normal version?” But, “It was morally kind of repugnant to me to do … I turned down a really big paycheck.” He thought, “I’m going to go back to this … and do this as a musical.” But, “we just couldn’t get the financing.”

This idea accompanies the Broadway musical MJ the Musical. [Page Six]

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Ellen DeGeneres has been doing her show for a long time, and interviews like this one with Dakota Johnson must keep things fresh! It’s so awkward and a balm on this Friday.

Celebrity birthdays and parties kind of seem like a drag! Can’t wait to just go out to dinner and argue about how to split check like the poors we are. [YouTube]

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