He's a very annoying songwriter who used to sing at Apple keynotes. She's a very annoying singer who, at age 28, "was spotlighted in her own 3D autobiographical film." He asked her to marry him, she said no thanks.
After engaging in some vintage Ross-and-Racheling over the summer, rumors are floating that John Mayer proposed to Katy Perry but she turned him down like a maid does beds in a Julian Fellowes drama. Way harsh, Tai. Popcrush reports:
Perry "doesn’t feel ready” for another trip down the aisle so soon. “John’s proposal really unnerved Katy,” an insider revealed. “Even though they have discussed it, she thought it was too soon. John was gutted.”
The source continued, “Katy loves John, but doesn’t feel she has had enough healing time since her divorce. She told him she just needed a bit more time to feel whole in herself again."
Do you think John Mayer is literally running through the halls of his high school screaming at the top of his lungs right now? Get it, because like in that song? [Popcrush]
Amanda Bynes' lawyer counters that her account has been hacked, given that she's still firmly ensconced in the UCLA Medical Center with no access to phones or Internet. Which, by the way, is running her $3,500 a day — a fee that SAG will only partially cover. Should she stay for a full year (and long-term inpatient treatment has been recommended by the doctors), it'd come out to $1,277,500. [TMZ, NYDN]
If you see a helpful Pippa Middleton tip about how to get engaged ("Saying yes, taking the ring out of the box and placing it on your finger is one good way to become engaged") it is because she might just have gotten engaged to 18th century Dickensian street urchin Shoeless Nigel. JK, Ken-doll looking stockbroker Nico Jackson. [Radar Online]
As ever, Taylor Swift's ginger puggle Ed Sheeran leapt to her defense post-VMAs and told the press at a Portland, Ore. meetup that she was actually captured saying "Shut the fuck up" to Selena Gomez as a response to what Gomez had just said about Miley Cyrus possibly winning for the music video category. Not to One Direction for being trouble when they derped in, or whatever.
More importantly, do people in Portland care about this? I thought they only cared about artisinal gluten-free tacos and the properties of papYAY mache. [Us Weekly]
It's getting hot in here (so hot!) so Kim Kardashian wants to take off all her clothes for Playboy now that she's not pregNorth anymore. Or, as she put it: "As soon as I pop this thing out, I want to do Playboy or some nude shoot." Kaaaaaaay. [Radar Online]
- Rocky V's Tommy Morrison has passed away at 44. [TMZ]
- Dina Lohan partying with sailors is like a mashup of that Fleet Week party from Sex and The City and that terrifying acid trip of a boat ride at the beginning of the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka. [TMZ]
- In its first sonogram, Simon Cowell's kid is wearing a tiny deep-v neck tee in utero. [People]
- I never would have taken Wiz Khalifa for a soft-serve-over-regs-serve ice cream kind of dude. [Page Six]
- Lindsay Lohan is staying sober like a fucking champ. [NYDN]
- E.L. James (who I prefer to think of as El James) and Bret Easton Ellis got fucked up at some party in the Hamptons and talked about 50 Shades casting: he says she wanted Robert Pattinson. [Us Weekly]
- Amanda Seyfried and Justin Long put their tongues together at a restaurant. [People]
- Christina Milian got N-gaged to her boyfriend of three years. [People]
- Lance Bass and his boyfriend celebrated their engagement in a New Orleans karaoke bar. [People]
- Hayden Panettiere is getting her misspelled tattoo fixed. It says "Live without regrets" in Italian. (I have a similar one in the same place but it says "It's not delivery, it's Digioirno.") [NYDN]
- Michael Douglas is still wearing his wedding ring and cheerfully telling the press he might work it out with Catherine Zeta-Jones. [Radar Online]
- Khloe Kardashian isn't made of steel. [NYDN]
- Do you guise think Beyonce says Ibiza like "Ibitha" or like "Eye-bee-za?" [E!]
- Courtney Love has done a reworked version of the Mary Poppins song "Spoonful of Sugar" that goes "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go dOH FUCK *unintelligible screaming* MY HAIR IS ON FIRE MOTHERFUCKERS WHAT IS HAPPENING" [Page Six]