John Mayer + Prancercise = New Song About Taylor Swift

Not content with those usual lyric videos that just blind you in the face with their extreme fonts, John Mayer decided it as nigh time to redeem himself as a human worth paying attention to, and what better way to do that than releasing a new music video? Specifically, a video for his new song that is allegedly about Taylor Swift featuring Joanna Rohrback of Prancercise LLC? [Insert the world imploding on itself here.]

“What about a prance to romance to?” asks Rohrback, who then cautions that, “If you’re pregnant or nursing, you should consult a physician before your romancerize. However, if you’re not pregnant or nursing, why not consult Jarrad?”

This is actually a headshot of actor Jarrad Paul, and not a photo of Rohrback’s son. You may remember as Paul in the role of Duncan, a dude that Josh Hartnett works with in 40 Days and 40 Nights (he’s in this classic scene, briefly). He was also apparently in Monk and is friends with Eddie Cibrian?

The lyrics of “Paper Doll” have been pinpointed by our own Laura Beck as a distinct Fuck You to Taylor Swift’s “Dear John“:

Paper doll, come try it on
Step out of that black chiffon
Here’s a dress of gold and blue
Sure was fun being good to you

This one we made just for Fall
And Winter runs a bit too small
This mint green is new for Spring
My love didn’t cost a thing

You’re like twenty-two girls in one
And none of them know what they’re runnin’ from
Was it just too far to fall?
For a little paper doll

Fold a scarf, Moroccan red
And tie your hair behind your head
Strap into some heels that hurt
You should’ve kept my undershirt

…

Cut the cord and pull some strings
And make yourself some angel wings
And if those angel wings don’t fly
Someone’s gonna paint you another sky

Poor Joanna. She probably has no idea what she’s gotten in the middle of. Taylor Swift’s next video will probably feature the kid from Chocolate Rain or something as she desperately tries to curry the Internet’s favor back her way.