John Kerry Urges Edward Snowden to 'Man Up' and Return to the US

The United States continued its diplomatic slapfight with the mercurial NSA leaker Edward Snowden today, as Secretary of State John Kerry urged the fugitive to “man up” and return to the US. What a foppish woman, that dastardly mustache twirling Snowden!

Kerry’s remarks came during an interview with CBS This Morning, after the Secretary of State was asked about Snowden’s interview with NBC’s Brian Williams.

“The bottom line is this man has betrayed his country, sitting in Russia where he has taken refuge,” Kerry said. “You know, he should man up and come back to the United States.”

Over the next few days, we can expect John Kerry to insist that his dad can beat up Edward Snowden’s dad, that Edward Snowden’s momma so fat, and that Edward Snowden plays ball like a GIRL. We’re but a few short masculinity questioning insults away from solving diplomacy, guys. Keep it up!