Back in 2003, when the invasion of Iraq had just begun and NO ONE knew how the Harry Potter books would end, MTV bestowed a terrible gift upon a very desperate world. Newlyweds—one of the first reality shows to follow celebrities rather than normies—hit the airwaves, allowing us all a precious look inside pop stars Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s marriage.
After two years, Newlyweds fell apart and its stars went from newly married to newly divorced. Now, a full decade later, we’ve come to understand that having your failed marriage broadcasted on national television—though fun at the time—isn’t exactly ideal for a person’s mental health. Or at least, so says Jessica Simpson.
“I would have a panic attack,” she told Page Six about the thought of re-watching “Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica,” the MTV docu-series starring the former couple.
Aw, Jess! Why not dust off your old Newlyweds box sets and give ‘em another watch? It can’t be that bad, right? Wait, I’m seeing this from your side now and no, yeah, that would be terrible.
[Page Six]
What’s that kooky Miley Cyrus going to do next? Get devil horns implanted on her forehead, that’s what! As a “friend” told inTouch, “She’s leaning toward getting silicone horns implanted in her head. Miley wants them to be very out there, like devil horns! She’s also interested in a corset piercing. It’s when you get holes pierced around your spine and you can actually put ribbons through those holes in a crisscross fashion to mimic the look of a corset.”
WHOA. RADICAL. [inTouch]
Jennifer Lawrence, Oscar winner and highest paid actress in the world, is so relatable—she’s even experienced the thrill and down fall of the self-destructive Google search. “You try being 22, having a period and staying away from Google,” she told the New York Times (just like you told the New York Times!). “I once Googled ‘Jennifer Lawrence Ugly.’ [Laughs] Do I sound bitchy?” [People]
- Why you gotta be so mean, Taylor? [Celebuzz]
- Kim Kardashian hopes to make bank off baby #2. [Radar]
- Still interested in hearing Charlie Hunnam talk about walking out on Fifty Shades of Grey? Click this link! [US Weekly]
- Robert Pattinson and FKA twigs: still getting married. [US Weekly]
- Ben Affleck and Sienna Miller: maybe doin’ it. [OK!]
- No hot nannies for the childless John Legend and Chrissy Teigen, thank you very much. [Page Six]
Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.
Images via Getty.
DISCUSSION
I posted a picture about a month ago of the “Corset Piercing”. It wound up getting dismissed because it made so many commenters queasy.