Jessica Simpson Gives Birth to $800,000 Baby and Sells It to a Magazine

Remember when Jessica Simpson's job was "singer"? Does she even DO that anymore? I feel like now her entire job is being a pregnant lady. Seriously, Jessica Simpson has been pregnant for like 11 years. Except now she's not pregnant anymore—curse these unemployment rates!—because that baby fiiiiiiiiiiinally came out. And it's covered in money. Simpson's long-awaited People Magazine cover (for which she netted $800,000) hits news stands this Friday. Inside, Simpson reveals that she likes to keep the baby (which is a girl whose name is Maxwell) clutched in her hands at all times: "It's the worst if I have to pump and give Eric a bottle to give her," says Simpson. "I miss holding her and having that closeness." [People]


"I never beat any women," says Matthew Fox in response to allegations Tweeted by his Lost costar Dominic Monaghan (the Tweet read: "[Fox] beats women. not isolated incidents. often"). Apparently Fox and Monaghan have not spoken in years. When reached for comment in my imagination, fellow costar Emilie de Ravin just yelled "CHYAAALIE! MOY BAY-BAY!" into the phone for six hours. [TMZ]


James Franco does not enjoy the show Girls because it's mean to boys: "The guys in the show are the biggest bunch of losers I've ever seen. There is a drip who gets dumped because he bores his girlfriend; a dad who hits on his babysitter; a bevy of wussy hipsters who are just grist for the insatiable lust of the too-cool girl with the British accent; and the king of them all, the shirtless dude who talks funny and hides his stomach all the time. I know this sorry representation of men is fair payback for the endless parade of airheaded women on the West Coast male counterpart to Girls, Entourage, which in turn was fair payback for the cast of male dorks on Sex in the City." [EW]


Okay, uh, if you believe everything In Touch tells you, then apparently Jennifer Lopez's boyfriend got her name tattooed on his penis. "Jennifer thinks Casper's tattoos are sexy, but this one is her favorite, for obvious reasons," says a source who is definitely a real person and not made up. "She loves it, and she loves him." Jennifer Lopez's boyfriend's last name is "Smart." [ONTD]

  • Kim Kardashian, noticing that nobody had paid attention to her for like 15 minutes, released a statement announcing that she doesn't hate Indian people, she just hates their disgusting, stinky garbage food. KAY. [Us]
  • Benedict Cumberbatch is NOT SEXY, says Benedict Cumberbatch. "[I'm] barely the sexiest man in my flat." Some newspaper poll begs to differ. Kay. [ONTD]
  • Tyler Perry defends Bobbi Kristina Brown, writing, "PLEASE LEAVE THIS BABY ALONE!!! AND SHE IS A BABY." Kay. [People]
  • Writing about Steve Jobs is like writing about The Beatles, says Aaron Sorkin. This Dirt Bag brought to you by "Kay." [Deadline]
  • Apparently people are worried that Christina Applegate won't be in Anchorman 2 because she didn't appear in the trailer. For the movie that hasn't even been written yet. Maybe try some deep breathing, you guys. [E!]
  • Sources are not able to confirm or deny that Anne Hathaway didn't get her right arm bitten off by an angry lion and replaced with a bionic arm. More on this story as it develops. [E!]
  • A former firefighter who stalked Madonna (standing outside her house with a sign that read "I NEED YOU") is headed for court. [E!]
  • Michael Jordan's son tried to send a DM to a porn star but accidentally wrote a public Tweet involving the words "ready for round 2." (Of porn sex, u guyz!!!) [Bossip]
  • Victoria Beckham refers to herself as a "moody cow" because she is always frowning and also chewing on regurgitated grass. [Us]
  • Denise Richards is seen drinking water in public. EVERYONE, BUY STOCK IN WATER IMMEDIATELY. [Us]
  • Charlize Theron doesn't see herself getting plastic surgery, unless she changes her mind and decides to get plastic surgery. [People]
  • Here is a photograph of Mark Wahlberg getting spray-tanned in his underpants. [People]
  • "I'm really proud of it," says Kristen Stewart. By "it" she means her boobs. [E!]

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