Jessica Simpson and her NFL beau finally married yesterday at the luxurious San Ysidro Ranch resort (apparently where JFK and Jackie spent their honeymoon). Their 1-year-old son Ace was their ring bearer, their 2-year-old daughter Maxwell was their flower girl and was joined by Ashlee Simpson's son Bronx, 5. Oh, and Jessica Simpson wore a custom Carolina Herrera dress. They told People:
"We are overwhelmed with complete happiness and love having made our eternal commitment," the newlyweds told PEOPLE in an exclusive statement on Saturday.
"To say 'I do' in front of family, friends and, most importantly, our children has been the happiest moment of our lives."
Remember when John Mayer did stand up comedy? Neither do I, but apparently he did. Well now, he is pitching a new reality TV show called My Funny Friend—where people can nominate their funny friends for a comedy award. It sounds strange:
"His concept is: Everyone thinks they have a buddy who's so hysterical, he or she should be in comedy. So people nominate their friends, and they go through a series of evaluations to determine if they're actually funny or not.
"John thinks it has a great human-interest angle... It's a show about dreams"
If you're selling something as "a show about dreams," you might want to just stop right there. [US]
Miley Cyrus and her friends got a tattoo in honor of her late (do we use "late" for pets?) dog Floyd. It features a "portrait" of Floyd with a speech bubble that says "wiTH A LiTTLe HELP FROm MY FWENDS". It doesn't look as bad as my description would let on, but it's still pretty terrible. [US]
- Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis attended an Indian wedding and wore some Indian garb. This is huge step up from the last time Kutcher was in Indian clothes. [Just Jared]
- Ed Sheeran is releasing an illustrated book called Ed Sheeran: A Visual Journey in October. It's about Ed Sheeran and Ed Sheeran's "early musical experiences and influences." It sounds really cute! [Inquisitr]
- Columbus Short got arrested again, this time for public intoxication. :-( [TMZ]
- Chloë Grace Moretz says there won't be a Kick-Ass 3 because piracy, you guys. Shame on you, pirates. [Inquisitr]
- Shemar Moore straight up flexed for the paparazzi at the beach. This is news. [Just Jared]
- Justin Bieber's lawyer is chalking his aggression up to drugs and alcohol use in that paparazzi assault case. [TMZ]
- Demi Lovato injured her ankle on Independence Day. ARE YOU HAPPY, AMERICA?! [Contact Music]
- Nicky Hilton has always had to earn her money. No, seriously: ''It was never an option to sit on my ass. I've always had to earn my own money. So many of the people I grew up with are utterly spoilt - it's such a turn-off.'' [Contact Music]
- In today's edition of Kanye's Concert Lecture Series, Kanye West compares himself to animals with pokey things on them: "And the photos they always take is like when that blow-fish has blown up, or when that porcupine is defending itself." On a related note: CAN WE PLEASE START A RATE MY PROFESSOR PROFILE FOR KANYE WEST!? PLEASE!? [Complex]
Image via Getty.