On Tuesday night, Jerry Seinfeld performed a generally amusing stand-up act on The Tonight Show wherein he mostly complained about the useless crap people own.

The nearly six-minute set piggybacked off Jimmy Fallon's cool act of kindness: gifting the audience with free flatscreen TVs. Nice move, Jimmy. But then Seinfeld brought them back to reality. "You all seem so excited, even though I know there are some people here who are thinking, Now what the hell am I gonna do with this TV?" he says. "I'm sure most of you have a flatscreen TV."

Seinfeld, who has no attachment to "things," made this sharp observation: "All things on earth only exist in different stages of becoming garbage. Your home is a garbage processing center where you buy new things, bring them into your house and slowly crappify them over time."

Hoarders, hear that? The real moral of the story is that people are garbage. "Everything is thrown out in the end," he says. "We are thrown out in the end, my friends."