Jerking Off Dogs Is a Real Career (and Here You Were Doing It for Free)

Hating work these days? Sick of feeling disengaged at your cubicle and wish you could be your own boss? Maybe you want a more exciting hands-on career — one where you can really get your hands dirty. Have you considered jerking off show dogs so that breeders can use their semen in the decades to come?


I know what you're thinking: "What do you think this is? Some sort of paradise where I dream up my perfect job and then — POOF! — it appears?"

Heck no, baby. This is the real deal. Just ask Jennifer, a woman who makes cash money giving handjobs to purebreds at dog shows. She's featured in the new book Show Dog where she discusses why she got into the business (assumably because she loves what she does) and her process (no kissing on the mouth).

Jennifer has years of experience, but that's no reason to discourage you for going off on your own. Find an upcoming dog show in your area, set up an HJ tent (any cardboard box'll do) and prepare for blastoff.


Eww, I don't know if I could do that. Do the dog's get into it? I'd feel like I was participating in bestiality. She probably makes a boatload of money though. Boatloads are my favorite so I might be able to handle it.