I didn’t know this, but now I do, and so you must too: Jenny and Donnie McCarthy’s show on A&E Donnie Loves Jenny made it past one season, and is now on its third. Furthermore: Jenny McCarthy has changed her last name to Wahlberg, and gotten multiple tattoos in honor of her husband, with whom she has gotten even more gross to watch, if that was possible.
The most extreme example of this excessive and rude display of “affection” comes in the form of the pair’s appearance on The Wendy Williams Show Wednesday, where Jenny showed off the two tattoos she has devoted to Donnie: their initials in a heart (which Donnie designed, and has on his own wrist) and the set she got that says “Love Donnie” so she can always see those words when she puts her hand next to his face.
After Jenny explained the second tattoo, Donnie made a bizarre joke about hoping the tattoo would “lead to some Amber Rose-Kanye business, like she was hoping to see that finger go into...” No please, continue!
“But I said, if you wanna do that, you should have tattooed the pinky, ‘cause that’s it!” was his punch line. This joke was particularly weird, given that in Episode 2 of this season of Donnie Loves Jenny (yes, I watched both of the episodes that aired last night because I do my research) Donnie said:
“There are certain things in a relationship you do not ask a man to do. You don’t ask a man can you stick things up his butt, and you don’t ask a man, can you buy tampons for me? And she makes me do both! Well she asks if I’ll do both—I didn’t say I do both, but she asks if I’ll do both.”
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Sorry Donnie, I don’t follow: are you into ass play or is it a no-go?
Along those lines, an actual plot line in the episode revolved around Jenny having PMS on Donnie’s birthday, and saw Donnie going to the store and struggling to pick out tampons. Is this humor?
Jenny and Donnie seem to get off on these performative characters of hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine they’re working with. It seems like they’re actually into it, but they also clearly play it up to make their boring-ass show more interesting. (“I didn’t really want to be the woman and be McCarthy, so figured it was better to do it this way,” Donnie explained when Jenny said part of the reason she changed her last name was because since she’d been single for so long, it was nice to have someone taking care of her.)
“You two are so disgustingly loving,” Wendy remarked at the end of their segment, and she played right into that: the couple canoodled to the point of distraction during their interview. “We smooch. We smooch!” Donnie said. “I love his pheromones, I’m addicted,” Jenny said during a game where they revealed the circumstances under which they wouldn’t have sex. Spoiler: there are few!
The last and final thing I’ve learned today about this awful couple—other than the fact that their show theme song is terrible—is that they have outlawed makeup sex in their home because it’s too “addictive” and not healthy. Coincidentally, here is something I have outlawed in my home: anything that remotely looks like any of the behaviors these two participate in.