Jennifer Lopez Will Once Again Crush Dreams on American Idol

American Idol could hardly have face its 13th and therefore unluckiest season ever without the judicial services of Jennifer Lopez, who is, according to several super-excited reports, about to ink a deal that would have her return to the judge’s chair and, in a fair yet firm voice, crush people’s dreams of stardom.

Deadline reported earlier today that Lopez will most likely sign a deal that pays her about what she most recently made on the show, about $15 million. Idol producers liked Lopez so much that they even tried to bring her in last spring to replace Mariah Carey and help stop the talent show’s ratings decline. This season, she’ll join Keith Urban on the judges’ panel. A third seat, however, remains vacant, patiently waiting the ageless buttocks of Liza Minnelli. Go ahead, pretend that wouldn’t persuade you to watch every Idol episode.