Jared Leto's Lawyer Wants To Sue Everyone Who Talks About His Big Dick

Jared Leto’s lawyer is sick of everyone talking about her client’s monster dick and what he may or may not do with it! Above the Law reports that earlier this week, Allison S. Hart sent a “confidential legal notice” to the website Lipstick Alley in which she “threatened legal action” over allegedly libelous claims the site’s commenters made about her client and his third leg.

Fortunately, Lipstick Alley is defended by a hero lawyer named Paul Alan Levy, and he published a wonderfully scathing four-page defense of the site and all its dickscussion.

Levy writes:

Some of the posts of which you object do not appear to me to be defamatory. Two of the posts simply mention claims found elsewhere in the Internet that your client has a large penis. It is hard to see how those statements would hurt your client’s reputation, even if they are false. It is, as I understand it, the accusation of having a small penis that is understood to be an insult.

In addition to posts about Leto’s penis size, Hart also requested the removal of posts in which commenters share stories about his alleged treatment of sexual partners. But, as Above the Law points out, “the Communications Decency Act holds website operators not liable for comments posted by their readers.”

Levy, of course, was having none of it:

I assume that you do not have personal knowledge about the size of Leto’s penis or about whether he is rough with sexual partners, and you do not cite any evidence supporting your claim of falsity…Finally, each and every one of your purported libel claims is barred by the statute of limitations.

In other words: no one will ever stop talking about Jared Leto’s allegedly massive dick.

You can read Levy’s entire letter here. It’s worth the read, and may even make you want to go to law school! If only for the opportunity to write things like “I assume that you do not have personal knowledge about the size of Leto’s penis” in letters to other lawyers.