Jamie Dornan Tied His Dick Up Like a 'Bag of Grapes' for Fifty Shades

Eager movie goers, please be calm. I’m here to remind you that you will not be seeing Jamie Dornan’s dick in Fifty Shades of Grey. BE CALM, I said. No, PUT THE KNIFE DOWN. It’s going to be fine. Dornan is more than willing to discuss his penis’ process throughout the film and—while you don’t see it— he does manage to paint an explicit and unique picture.

In a recent interview with British GQ, the Irish actor described what it’s like to hide your dong throughout a film in which, arguably, your dong should be the star. On flesh pouches:

“Your dignity is intact as much as it’s all tucked away in a little flesh-coloured bag… As a guy you put all your essentials in a little bag and you tie it up like a little bag of grapes and it’s tucked away. Its quite a peculiar thing to do every day.”

(I would very much like to hear the female equivalent of this quote: As a woman you put all your essentials in a little bag and strap it down like an under-filled sack of nectarine pits and it’s tucked away.)

He also elaborated on his research trip to the S&M dungeon, something he first mentioned—and got flack for—back in December.

“In the course of researching this character, I have seen the reality very closely. I can tell you from an alarmingly first-hand perspective it’s not altogether sexy. But I’ve been in a dungeon with a lukewarm beer while a dominant has had some fun with his submissive and it was very playful and jovial and not at all dark and serious. There was a lot of laughter…”