Italy’s Vanity Fair Cover Story Is All About How Handsome the Pope’s Secretary Is

The beautiful mug of the most handsome Jesus wizard in the Vatican, Georg Ganswein, has graced the cover of Italy’s Vanity Fair, proof either that the Catholic Church is trying to glamour Italians into becoming more religious, or that good-looking people really do have a professional leg-up on the rest of us uggos.

A close-up of the 56-year-old Ganswein’s morning-dew-on-steel eyes and his coquettishly retreating hairline (the cover is a close-up of a previously existing photo, since Ganswein didn’t dare pose for Vanity Fair) sits above a headline that reads, “Father Georg — it’s not a sin to be beautiful.” According to Reuters, the magazine’s profile goes on to rhapsodize all about Ganswein’s remarkable good-looks, calling him “The George Clooney of St. Peter’s.” An entire cover story was dedicated to Ganswein’s symmetrical face in order to honor his recent promotion to archbishop, as well as to recognize the fact that he is quickly becoming the Darth Vader to Pope Benedict’s Emperor Palpatine.

Ganswein has been Benedict’s personal secretary since 2005, when Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger traded in his musty red frock for the Papal Tiara and a fancy staff made entirely out of seraphim toenail clippings. The two are rumored to be pretty close, especially since Ganswein is also German and was recently promoted to the job of Prefect of the Pontifical Household, a position that will increase in influence once the 85-year-old Benedict begins to wither away like a stale Communion wafer.