Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Relaxin'?

Illustration for article titled Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Relaxin'?

I usually have few objections to O. Well, there is the matter of that green jacket, but we're here to talk substance, and the cover story "5 Things Every Happy Woman Does", like all women's magazine features with numbers in the headline, is surely a thing of substance. Most of the rules are dog-themed — you can't feed a dog all it wants; work like a dog; trust like a dog — so I'm assuming the original concept for the piece was "5 Things Every Happy Bitch Knows," but there was something that hit me particularly hard. "See every effort as an opportunity to relax."

Cookie, for example, is now writhing on his back in the grass, emitting small grunts of pleasure, without the slightest hint of concern that his chubby tummy and exquisite enjoyment are on display. I know people who've spent thousands of dollars on sex therapy trying to do that...Here's one of the very few generalizations I believe unconditionally: There is not one useful thing we can do that we don't do better when we're relaxed.


Okay, but: what does a dog do that is really all that useful?

Isn't stress and anxiety the source of some motivation? I say this because I completely and utterly lack the ability to get stressed about shit anymore. I am fully relaxed, all the time, and the speed just makes me moreso. And while I definitely find it irritating when other people (Virgos, for instance) get unnecessarily worked up about pointless shit, I am entirely too Zen to try and impose my worldview upon them about it, and really too Zen to do much of anything anymore. If relaxed people ever got stressed out and motivated, maybe our global conflicts would be over tariffs on meditation robe exports and incense dumping legislation, but no. Hysterical fanatics govern everything.



@Archetype: @Trashtastic: I'll show you some making your own wind...