Is There A Worse Dude To Do Than The "Reformed Nice Guy"?

Illustration for article titled Is There A Worse Dude To Do Than The Reformed Nice Guy?

Ever dated a so-called "Reformed Nice Guy"? I have, although of course we weren't actually dating, just hanging around his house watching John Wayne movies and occasionally ordering pizza on my credit card. You see, the "Reformed Nice Guy" had a tattoo on his chest that said "Broken" that he had gotten when he found out that the woman he loved had cheated on him with one of his best friends. The "Reformed Nice Guy" had been on and off with "Broken" for seven years. The "Reformed Nice Guy" listened to a lot of Archers of Loaf and a lot of the Hold Steady and did not really believe in yielding to my desire to leave. The "Reformed Nice Guy" is the best friend who hates women a 28-year-old woman will ever have, but 22-year-olds be warned: he's fucking sick and if you don't believe me check out this Open Letter he just wrote to the girl who dissed him fifteen years ago: [Clarification: The was not written by MY "Reformed Nice Guy", but trust me, it does not matter, they all think alike]

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life.

He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

You know, on second thought I'm thinking this particular "Reformed Nice Guy" isn't telling you anything that your average Reformed Nice Guy wouldn't himself volunteer, so you're not too likely to get hurt by him, since he'll be pretty convincing when he tells you he's emotionally unavailable and consumed by his hate for women, although I've never been the type of girl who felt like I could "change" a dude, although if you are that type of girl you should probably learn right now that you're stupid. Don't ever date the "Reformed Nice Guy"! He's "broken." And probably broke.


But you can learn something from his incredible feat of determination and powers of repression: develop some of your own, because dudes are worse than girls.

What Happened To All The Nice Guys? [Craigslist]
Related: Nice Guy [Wikipedia]

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Rooo sez BISH PLZ

@aspiringexpatriate: "Why is a nice guy broke and covered in hipster filth? Where's the clean cut money earning guy who isn't an asshole? Where's that stereotype?"

In communities of color. All "attractive" women of color want thugs, didn't you know?

That Guy is still an asshole, though, so I don't know what that does to your theory. Clean cut, earns money (although generally not enough to stay out of debt because of his love for electronic toys), so generally not covered in hipster filth, but nonetheless ... a passive-aggressive asshole.