Illustration for article titled Is Talking To A Dude As Pointless As Talking To A Car?

The duo behind "Car Talk" are totally giving Carolyn Hax a run for her money!

Ray: Our theory is that men's relationships with cars are like women's relationships with men.
Tom: Look at the similarities. Is a man content to simply "have" a car? No. He has to be in constant communication with his vehicle so he always knows how it's feeling. He needs to know where he stands with the car. He likes to open the hood, look around, check the levels. He wants to know when something is wrong. He may even "sense" a problem before it's obvious. Then he'll want to "deal with it" right away, so it doesn't fester.

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OMG this is so why I never ever ever "talk" to dudes after screwing them! But it did make me wonder, has a heart-to-heart with a car ever solved any problems with said car? By which I mean, has a talk with a dude ever solved any problems with your relationship with the dude? I have a theory: you might solve issues with the next dude by talking out your problems with a dude, but a lot of that will be because you've learned the lesson about how talking doesn't solve problems. Too cynical? I asked my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be in the midst of a gut-wrenching breakup with his "millennium falcon."

Talking is what we do when we know we can't fix what is broken. If you're talking to the woman or talking to the car, something has already gone way way wrong. I don't mean talking talking, I mean "let's have a talk" talking. But then sometimes you need to have "let's have a talk" talks with your car, like when your insurance runs out, or a major repair is needed, it is at these points that the precise nature of commitment to the car is redefined.

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So basically, unless you want to break up, you shouldn't have a talk? Otherwise it's just a "test" of commitment? I asked Jalopnik's Ray Wert if he'd ever solved a problem with a car/girl by talking about it:

Never once. Always with a monkey wrench or sex.

And then just for good measure, I asked a friend who's about to get married. She's a girl! And she said relationship talks have totally helped her relationship. Really? "Yeah, talking with [couples therapist] has totally helped us." And OMG, she had a point: I sorted out a lot of personal issues with the same couples therapist! Who advised me and the ex to "never talk about the relationship." Specifically I learned that we needed to break up. But not for lack of talking about it!

Car Talk: Are Men Or Women Harder On Cars?

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DISCUSSION

Currently my boyfriend and I are on the Areas of Silence theory of relationships. There are many many things we talk about happily. There are a handful of things we mutually agree not to discuss because they make one or both of us very uncomfortable, and the discomfort outweighs the value of the frankness.

There are a very few things that we do not discuss because I cry, want to throw things, and feel off for days afterwards when he brings them up.

Selective silence works for us.