The stock market went totally fucking nuts today, in keeping with my terrible mood. I went to pick up some performing-enhancing meds this afternoon in the wretched heat and decided this was blog day best finished at the bar. Fittingly, someone decided to play Mission of Burma's "That's When I Reach For My Revolver." I say fittingly, of course, because there are 190,000 Pentagon-purchased guns missing in Iraq right now. AK-47s, of course, not revolvers, but what the fuck do I know about guns? I'm a girl.

  • Meanwhile, if Al Qaeda members have gone missing in Pakistan, Bush pledges we will find em there.
  • And that guy who complained about warrantless wiretapping being conducted by the FBI? A few computers have gone missing from his house. But โ€” ha ha โ€” they didn't do it without a warrant!
  • Missing from newsstands: Iran's leading reformist newspaper, as Bush wrangles with Afghan president Hamid Karzai over whether they're with or against us.
  • Also missing: any diplomas indicating Fred Thompson's hotwife was ever a lawyer.
  • Along with any sign that Giuliani's daughter's high-level defection to Team Obama will narrow Hillary's lead in the polls.
  • McDonald's is raising wages and work conditions in China and divesting itself of the rotisserie goodness of Boston market.
  • As Wal-Mart readies to award India its first everyday low prices.
  • And Norway's pigs finally win the right to not be castrated without representation โ€” or anyway, medication.