Iowa Sorority Girl Gets Slizzard, Pees On Floor of Yogurt Shop, Inspires a Nation

Jestine Rands didn’t think she’d become a hero to thousands when she got drunk on Saturday night, but the hard-partying sorority leader, already tore up by 7pm, had her whole life changed when she did something many of us only angrily fantasize about. That’s right, she let loose a stream of golden piss onto the floor of an Iowa City yogurt shop called Yotopia.

The Smoking Gun reports that the yogurt shop—which prides itself on being Iowa City’s “Original FroYo”—was unamused by Rands’ performance, calling the cops and having the 20-year-old arrested for her actions. According to cops at the scene, Rands “smelled of booze,” was “slurring her words,” and had an empty flask on her person. Her eyes were also “bloodshot and watery,” suggesting that Rands had probably had a pretty good evening. She also tried to tell officers on the scene that her license was her friend’s, but they didn’t believe it.

While Rands didn’t offer a reason for what she did, she doesn’t actually need one. Peeing in a public place is an act of fantasy fulfillment that many of us would perform if given the chance and the assurance that we wouldn’t be put in jail. Rands would have made Freud proud if she had just said she did it because her personality was id-driven, forcing her to succumb to her primal urges to urinate in a public place because she needed to. Or, she could have said that bathrooms are tyrannical and there’s really no reason to use one as a little pee on an uncarpeted floor isn’t really going to hurt anyone in the long run. (True.)

Rands, who is the New Member Educator for Chi Omega sorority at the University of Iowa will likely face some sort of punishment for her act of courage—especially because the college had just suspended another greek organization for glorifying binge drinking the day before—but here’s hoping that she’ll also get her picture on her sorority’s hall of fame. She should, right? How many people out there are just as jealous as I am that she was willing to face a misdemeanor for copping a squat instead of waiting in line for a bathroom?