In Which We Pretend To Be Morning People

Illustration for article titled In Which We Pretend To Be Morning People

The staffers here are a surly, stinky lot, so it's no surprise that not one of us is a morning person. So when we saw Slate's Michael Agger on a quest for the perfect morning routine, we were intrigued! Is it possible for us to somehow turn our coffee drenched early hours into models of health and productivity? Agger outlines the routine of Leo Babauta of Zen Habits: "1. Wake at 4:30 a.m. 2. Drink water. 3. Set 3 Most Important Things (MITs) for today. 4. Fix lunches for kids and myself. 5. Eat breakfast, read. 6. Exercise (run, bike, swim, strength, or yardwork) or meditate. 7. Shower. 8. Wake wife & kids at 6:30 a.m." Um…yeah. That's ideal if you're a solar powered robot maybe. Want to know what our morning routines look like? Check them out, real and imagined, after the jump.Jessica: Ideal: Wake up at 6:30, with coffee already brewing in the automatic machine that I set up the night before. Go for a run at 6:45. Shower and at the computer by 7:30. Actual: Drag ass out of bed at 7:30, rush to make coffee because I forgot to set up the machine early, and no shower. Complain bitterly to boyfriend about how tired I am until at least 7:50. Dodai: Ideal: wake at 6, run for half an hour, shower, begin working at 7 Romantic ideal: sleep til noon in hammock on tropical island Actual: wake at 6:30, lay in bed and watch news to make sure planet has not been bombed while sleeping, walk 1 1/2 feet to desk and begin work at 7. Megan Ideal: Alarm goes off at 7:30, after which I immediately urinate, brush my teeth and sit down on my couch to begin reading political news in my pajamas. I also meet all my deadlines with 15 minutes to spare. Actual: Alarm goes off at 7:30, I hit snooze at least twice and drag (possibly hungover) ass out of bed. If this happens after 7:52, I neither pee nor brush my teeth. I then stomp to the living room, flip open my computer to discover that Vista is truly the work of Satan, begin cursing under my breath while trying to read 50 political stories and write the two pieces I have due at 8:30 and 10, respectively, and eventually make coffee sometime after my deadlines have passed. Sadie: Ideal: up at 5:30, take brisk, invigorating walk. (NB: in this scenario I also live somewhere considerably more picturesque); 6:30 Make coffee, oatmeal, fresh juice; shower with Kiehl's product while coffee brews; eat in pristine kitchen while listening to Radio 4; 7:00 Dress in impeccably tailored cropped 1960s slacks, string of beads, menswear-style button-down and ballet flats. Work. Actual: 7:15: up,usually because neighbor is screaming at other neighbor (who suffered hearing loss in Iraq) in Polish; Drink old coffee from yesterday, maybe heated up,e at yogurt straight from large container while I work on couch while surrounded by my boyfriend's ashtrays and papers (since he works at night); sometimes with 'Today' on mute; Don't dress or bathe until 11.30; Don't leave house until evening. Anna: Ideal: Sleep until 9:30 or 10. Take a long walk. Pet cats, read paper, drink coffee, fart around. Start working at 1pm, finish at 7pm. Continue drawing same paycheck. Actual: Wake up at 6:30-45 on 6 hours' sleep, put on stinky sweatpants, t shirt (no bra), smoke a cigarette, read through 3-5,000 stories in my RSS feed and start sending emails to staffers (done by 8:15 or 8:30). Order breakfast. Cry. Wash, rinse, repeat. Maria: Ideal: Wake up at 6:30, exercise, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, start work at 7:30 Actual: Wake up at 7:20, hit snooze until 7:30, start work in bed at 7:30. Eventually move to desk. Eat breakfast between 10-11. No shower. Obviously, it's your turn... in the comments. The Quest For The Perfect Morning Routine [Slate]


Remedios Varo

Ideal: Wake up at 7 a.m., out of shower by 7:25, finish breakfast by 7:45, brush teeth, put on shoes, organize materials for class and out the door by 8:00.

Actual: Wake up at 7 a.m., turn off alarm, wake up again at 7:25 and swear loudly, check e-mail and Facebook until 7:40, finish with shower by 7:55, shove food in pockets and books in backpack, brush teeth WHILE tying shoes/pulling on boots, run out the door to meet walking buddy by 8:05.

The Actual would probably be okay for most people, but I'm usually physically incapable of moving quickly in the morning.