In The Age Of Dog Antidepressants, Why Refuse Miracle Migraine Meds?

I don't get migraines, but I can assure you on the basis of the way I medicate a hangover that if I did I would most certainly be a pussy and steal a few tablets of my roommate's miracle drug Topamax. I mean, I have never even experienced these, but from the sounds of what New York Times blogger Judith Warner deals with every time she gets one it's like period cramps in your head, only on Mt. Everest. And, the drug doesn't do anything weird to my roommate, and it apparently also curbs your desire to get hangovers so you're really avoiding headaches altogether, and plus my fucking DOG takes antidepressants. But beyond all that, the pharmaceutical industry generates so many made-up illnesses to create demand for its pills, why discourage them when they come out with something that truly treats something that is an actual problem people have? Because, according to this column she just wrote that has been on the New York Times' most-emailed list for several centuries at this point already, you can fix migraines easy with just a few diet alterations!

I stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol and stopped eating chocolate, cheese, M.S.G., nuts, vinegar, citrus fruits, bananas, raspberries, avocados, onions, fresh bagels and donuts, pizza, yogurt, sour cream, ice cream, aspartame and all aged, cured, fermented, marinated, smoked, tenderized or nitrate-preserved meats.

Um, so you went on a diet, Judy?

I didn't like the amitriptyline. It made me gain weight. It made me sleepy.

So the answer is 'yes.'

And, once I got used to it, I came to almost enjoy being on my diet, exploring my capacity for hunger and self-abnegation, obsessing over what foods I could eat, and how, and when. At the very least, the diet made my friends happy. Renouncing food, renouncing pills, is so often, in our time, seen as the right and righteous, pure and wholesome thing to do.

Um, earth to Judy. 1. No one is "happy" when a friend "wholesomely" i.e. sanctimoniously goes on a ridiculously restrictive diet, unless the friend has cancer or diabetes. Luckily for your friends, Topamax has some subtle appetite suppressants that will make you thin without all that annoying self-sacrifice shit. Problem solved!

And yeah, if the answer to the question posed in the headline is "to find a way to generate traffic writing about my restrictive diet because that's all dieters like to talk about in a way that causes readers to sympathize with me and communicate with one another" — not that I would venture a theory that cynical! — it sure worked!


The Migraine Diet [NY Times]

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