In Case You Were Wondering, Donald Trump Is Set to Win the Washington State Primary

Illustration for article titled In Case You Were Wondering, Donald Trump Is Set to Win the Washington State Primary

Just in case you needed a dose of dread to ruin your probably perfectly lovely and/or normal day, presumptive GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump, a man with the hair of a radioactive skunk, will most likely win the Washington state primary.


Then again, Trump is the last standing Republican nominee—a more or less certifiable fact after fellow contenders Marco “Possible Robot” Rubio, Ted “Zodiac Killer, Y or N” Cruz, and John “the Other Other One” Kasich dropped out of the race, all within the past few months.

According to CNN, Trump “[headed] into the Washington primary 48 delegates shy of the 1,237 he needs to clinch the GOP nomination,” even though any possible number of delegates won on May 24 during the state’s primary will not “put him over the line” to claim the official nomination.

Despite the fact that Cruz, Rubio, Kasich, and former rival Ben Carson have at this point suspended their campaigns, Washington’s “vote-by-mail contest features ballots” include all four as choices.

CNN also noted that “the state’s primary is open, which means voters are free to choose whichever party they want,” but that “they can only vote for a presidential candidate in one party’s contest—otherwise, their ballots won’t count.”

Then again—still doomed.

As for Democrat primary runners Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, it looks like whatever the results might turn out to be in the Washington primary will amount to the equivalent of a high school senior’s existential meanderings on the meaning of Camus in English class...or something.

“Sanders will carry 74 delegates into the Democratic National Convention, while Hillary Clinton has 27—plus many of Washington’s 17 superdelegates,” CNN reported. “That makes Tuesday’s primary results a popularity contest with no impact on the Democratic nomination.”

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Contributor, Jezebel



This reminds me of the piece John Oliver did on Sunday about presidential primaries...DID WE TALK ABOUT THAT ON HERE? I can’t remember. Anyway, IT WAS SO GOOD. I fucking love John Oliver.