Important American Talents Cruelly Ignored By Parade Across America

Illustration for article titled Important American Talents Cruelly Ignored By Parade Across America
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The virtual Parade Across America this Inauguration Day was like a charming school talent show, a colorful montage of different states showcasing the various artistic talents of this country. There was hockey, fan-dancing, and, perhaps the most exciting, clogging, not to mention a small compilation of people skateboarding to Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams,” in the style of the famous TikTok trend. People painted and roller-skated their way through the virtual “parade,” and I was for the most part charmed.

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But I found my brain wandering to the less celebrated American talents and traditions that are no less worthy of the television spotlight. I couldn’t help think that maybe in an attempt to showcase the melting pot that is America, the new administration left some crucial ingredients out of the pot. And so, here is a small list of American past times and icons that deserved their two minutes of fame.

  • Ultimate frisbee players
  • Ventriloquists
  • Bodega cats
  • Tri-state area Bar/Bat Mitzvah MCs
  • Trader Joes employees that flirt with customers and compliment their purchases
  • Snapewives
  • The cast of Euphoria
  • Chainsaw ice sculpture artists
  • Those dancing blow-up tube men you see flailing outside of car dealerships
  • Drag queens
  • Professional bowling leagues
  • Aliens (they exist and they’re living here, in this country, right now)

What talented group of American individuals do you think should have been in the Parade Across America?

Pop Culture Reporter, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

penguinlust2electricboogigloo
PenguinLust2:ElectricBoogigloo

Bodega cats and drag queens together would have been sublime.