I'm Eastbound and Down, Loaded Up and Heading Out of Here

Much like Mr. Burt Reynolds in the 1984 classic film Cannonball Run II, I too must be travelling on.

This is my very last night as the Night Lady Person Blogger for Jezebel. Next week, I start a new gig with Cosmopolitan. This was the hardest decision I have had to make in my life and it absolutely broke my heart to give my notice. This wasn’t just a job for me; this was my home and I owe it all to you glorious bastards out there reading.

Along the way I have taught you many, many important lessons. Like how Russell Crowe is always full of shit. So are these people. So are a lot of schools when it comes to their dumbass sexist dress codes. I was blessed to be appointed as lead important journalist on the official Tom Hiddleston beat for Jezebel, which is truly the highest honor in online blog journalism.

Here are some articles I had a lot of fun writing:

How To Survive Being Forced to Sit Through ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

New Year’s Resolutions I Might Actually Keep

The Absolute Most WTF Celebrity Hookups of All Time

Behold the Glorified Craft Fair Disaster That is Miley Cyrus’ “Art”

Britney Spears’ Delusional ‘Documentary’ Is a Hot, Glittered Mess

How the Tumblr Convention Dashcon Went So Very Wrong

The Best Holiday Drinks to Help You Embarrass Yourself This Year

And this, my favorite thing I have ever written:

I Watched The Fox And Friends Christmas Special To Save You From It

Most importantly, I taught you about the greatest threat known to humanity—the Cat Overlords. I bravely fought against their tyranny for many, many months and while it took a deep toll on my professional and personal life, I can now look back and say it was totally worth it.

Being a 40-year-old lady from the middle of nowhere Texas and getting a job writing for one of the biggest media companies in New York was nothing short of a miracle, and it’s been as surreal as you can imagine. I have to thank Jessica Coen for taking a chance on me. She not only hired me for this job but helped transition me from being a smartass Jezebel commenter to a smartass Jezebel writer. I also have to thank the lovely, one and only, magnificent and truly marvelous Laura Beck, the embodiment of actual perfection, without whom I would never have had this opportunity. Thank you Laura for having faith in me and getting behind me when others probably looked at you like “HER?” A special goodbye goes to CA Pinkham, my Internet brother from another mother, who was the Captain Chaos to my JJ McClure. I love you, man; you’re doing awesome and you’re only going to keep kicking ass.

But most of all I want to thank you guys—the loyal readers, the diehard commenters, the shy lurkers, the drunks who want to ramble about their messed up Taco Bell orders on posts about Ruth Bader Ginsb—oh wait, sorry. That was me. Anyway—you guys are the reason I do this job. You’ve made me laugh and saved me from the lonely abyss of late-night blogging. Thank you for that. I love you all so much, you cannot even imagine. Burt Reynolds will always be my spirit guide and I’ll always be lurking around here. I am literally in tears right now writing this. But remember, I’m not disappearing forever from the Internet! I’ll be blogging nightly on Cosmo, Sun-Thurs, and I hope you’ll pop over to say hi from time to time. Also, PLEASE follow me on Twitter please! Don’t be shy.