Illustration for article titled If The Kids Named The Thing, Why Didnt They Just Punish The iKids/i? They Do That In Sudan, Right?

TGIF, guys! V. little news today, so we're taking on the teddy bear. Also, Megan hearts Huckabee. Interest rates blah blah, and an awesome Flaming Lips-y video out featuring the Jezebels' favorite presidential candidate Mike Gravel...and the shocking news that the Clintons actually polled the pros and cons of an endorsement from Barbra Streisand. And the results came back positive! God this country is gay.


MOE: Anything happening today? I haven't even consulted the papers yet. I looked at them last night before I passed out and they were all, like, boring mostly. Are you in New York still?
MEGAN: No, I came back last night
i'm fucking exhausted
MOE: Jesus Christ, why?
MEGAN: Because I'm foolish, obviously.
But, hey, the first negative commercials of the 2008 race are starting! So now everyone can be as dumb as me, because I truly think those things kill brain cells.
MOE: Oh god yeah they are sooooo bad. I mean, we think this teacher getting a hundred lashes over the name of a teddy bear is bad, but imagine what the Republican opposition research teams would cook up if their approval ratings were down there with those of the Sudanese government! Oh shit. Anyway, this is interesting: a Republican group that supports abortion rights is placing anti-Romney ads? That's kind of new and novel.
MEGAN: Next up: Giuliani ads. I thought all the super right wingers were backing those two because they think they can win? Also, who runs those ads in New Hampshire? It's not exactly in the Bible Belt.
MOE: What's this I keep hearing about Huckabee having a shot?
MEGAN: He's funny, didn't you hear? Who cares about experience or ability as long as you can keep those zingers coming!
MOE: Wait, didn't you get Huckabee on that weird candidate matcher quiz?
MEGAN: I think I got him second. But, yes. I admit it. I'm a sucker for a funny guy, just like everyone else. I disagree with him on all these issues that are really important to me, but he makes me laugh. It's like he's my ex-boyfriend. I know he's going to break my heart, but I just can't stop myself.
MOE: Aw, Gravel is funny, too! But he has no chance. Um, is it just me or is the news really boring today? I'm frantically clicking on Drudge, CNN, the Obscure Store, all the regulars. And it's like...rate cut maybe...maybe there will be a rate cut...Bernanke...subprime...blah blah Hillary plant...should we just talk about the teddy bear?
MEGAN: Yeah, but I have this rule about being too attracted to men older than my father, and Mike comes in under the line and Gravel doesn't. But, yes, the news sucks today. Let's talk about the teddy bear.
MOE: Okay, so I don't get it; I mean, the children were the ones who wanted to name the bear Mohammed. Why didn't they just punish them the way they punish all the other kids in Sudan?? You know, by drafting them and forcing them to subsist on their own urine, etc?? Why's the teacher gotta go to jail?
MEGAN: Because she's a woman? Because she's Western and they're pissed at usefor trying to stop their little genocide thing? I mean, at least they decided against 40 lashes. I'll bet they think that redeems them in the eyes of the world.
Especially when people are rallying outside demanding her death.
MOE: OH, I know, I was wondering what happened to the lashes part!
Which reminds me, what ever happened to the guy who was caned in Singapore? Imma wikipedia that shit right now.
Ah, he went to rehab for butane abuse. All class!
MEGAN: Right? I remember even as a relative youngster reading about that and going, little juvenile delinquent had it coming.
But, sadly, I guess corporal punishment is just for the enjoyment of others and not for the reformation of the delinquent.
MOE: God, can you believe that was an INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT? No one would give a shit if you got caned for vandalism in Singapore today. Seriously, Condi Rice would probably send over a memo: "Waterboard the bitch. SEE. IF. I. CARE."
MEGAN: I think this is all an example of what happens when your parents are too rich and too whiny.
Your sociopath kid huffs butane and vadalizes a police state.
MOE: Hahaha totally. His parents could use a few lashings. Oh, also, I wanted to mention, you have to love the anonymouse Barbra Streisand associate who told the Times the Clinton campaign had POLLED her endorsement. Jesus Christ.
MEGAN: Oh, please. When you have as much money to spend as Hillary, you poll everything, sorta like Bill used to.
MOE: Okay, so this just came over the inbox. Have you seen it? It's Gravel in a music video of sorts. "He was totally into it. Not sure if he comopletely understood what I was up to," says its maker. "But neither did I."
And neither I.
But it's awesome
MEGAN: Have we seen it? OMG, it haunted my dreams last night
It's so... epic. It's worth trying to get you guys to share.

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