If Lindsay Lohan Stars in a Movie Directed by the ShamWow Guy and No One Sees It, Does It Really Exist?

The short answer is “apparently,” although InAPPropriate Comedy — ShamWow bro Vince Offer’s directorial debut — performed so poorly at the box office this weekend that its existence will soon be ShamWowed from the annals of filmmaking, and all we’ll have to remember it by is Vince Offer’s suggestively arching eyebrow.

Although Lindsay Lohan’s emergency, code-red, super-serious rehab dominated last week’s celebrity news cycle, nary a gossip columnist mentioned that, oh by the way, Lindz was starring alongside Michelle Rodriguez and Adrian Someone-Drugged-Me-And-I-Woke-Up-On-This-Strange-Movie-Set Brody in a sketch movie about a computer tablet’s “hilariously offensive apps” breaking into the real world, and that this movie had been directed by an infomercial personality.

The movie, which one might describe as the Deep Impact to Movie 43‘s Armageddon, only worse, averaged a dismal $625 per theater. The Daily Beast‘s Kevin Fallon describes, in painful detail, InAPPropriate Comedy‘s first 15 minutes:

How painfully bad were the sketches in InAPPropriate Comedy to be branded inferior to all that? In fact, Movie 43 seems downright highbrow in comparison. Adrien Brody plays a character named Flirty Harry, a parody of Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry. Dressed in pink Capri pants, he actually says, “Go ahead, make me gay.” A sketch called Blackass is an offensive parody of Jackass in which guys race dumpsters downhill into a vat of sewage. Lindsay Lohan recreates Marilyn Monroe’s iconic subway-grate scene. It is shot from the subway grate’s point of view. A character named The Amazing Racist is introduced. He is dressed like a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Lindzzzzz, dressed as Marilyn Monroe and sporting an ankle bracelet, appears in only two sketches. They’re both dutifully terrible, and amused exactly zero movie critics. And yes, thank you for asking — Rob Schneider did get top billing.