If Kids Could Vote, Barack Obama Would Be Double Mega-President

Illustration for article titled If Kids Could Vote, Barack Obama Would Be Double Mega-President

Well, the world might be in the shitter, but at least the future is bright! (Kind of. Except for all the parts that we're systematically covering in shit. But, you know.) In Nickelodeon's annual Kids Pick the President poll, our nation's wise young fake-voters fake-reelected Barack Obama by a landslide, and said sca-rew ya-hoo to Mitt Romney.


Via the Washington Post:

Children have elected President Barack Obama to a second term, in Nickelodeon's 2012 Kids Pick the President voting.

Since this franchise began in 1988, kids have correctly picked the POTUS (in advance of the national election) five out of the last six elections.

More than half a million votes were cast in the network's online poll this time around. President Obama received 65% of the vote and former Governor Mitt Romney received 35%, Nickelodeon reported.


NICE ONE, YOUNGSTERS. Now, obviously, the most likely influence on a kid's political leanings is what that kid is hearing at home—i.e. kids probably just vote how their parents vote (which indicates that hella kids' parents are voting Obama! Woo!).

But I like to also think that kids have a finely-honed bullshit detector—one that gets clouded, as we age, with financial stress and bitterness and fear and anecdotal bias. Kids don't know to hate gay people or silence women or discriminate against other races unless we teach them. In fact, all of us—even conservatives—systematically teach our children to be to be tiny liberals for the first decade or so of their lives. Be fair, be nice, always share, don't hit. I remember earnestly inventing socialism from whole cloth when I was 8 or so: "But mom, why don't people with too much money just give some money to people with no money? Then everyone would have money!" I mean, DUH, MOM. It was the most obvious thing in the world. We are supposed to share, after all. Why would I share and share and share, as a rule, every year of my life, and then do a crazy 180 as soon as I become a grown-up?

But that's just what we do. For some reason, it's perfectly normal for us (around half of us, at least) to throw out all that "sharing" bullshit as soon as we hit 18 and start voting. Hoard as much as you can, give as little as possible, sharing is stealing, kids on food stamps are social parasites! I can totally see why Mitt "47%" Romney is an obvious dud in the eyes of kids. The dude is a dick. Children are idealists—they don't care about shit like lapel pins and "business acumen"—they care about whether or not a candidate seems like a good dude.

Obama seems like he'd play pick-up basketball with you at the Rec Center. Romney seems like he'd tear the Rec Center down and build a homework factory. Seriously, that dude has to be the #1 most tear-down-the-Rec-Centeriest candidate in the history of power suits. So good 'stincts, youth of America. Keep it up.


Kids elect Obama in Nickelodeon voting [WashingtonPost]

Photo credit: iofoto / Stockfresh.

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I fake voted for Bush in 2000 (2nd grade) and 2004 (6th grade). *facepalm* Catholic elementary school + over-the-top-fiscally-conservative-to-the-abandonment-of-all-other-issues parents = me being annoyingly conservative until I started questioning my sexuality, and the only websites I could find to talk about it showed me the light.