Glamour is usually all about how to love your body and how to eat 600 fewer calories at every meal and how to save money and how to not feel guilty about blowing your entire paycheck on shoes, so I was excited to find something I could um, like, focus on for a few minutes in the most recent issue : a 4,000 word true-crime story! I mean, to be sure, "some bitch stole my identity" didn't seem like the most exotic crime to fall victim to. But Glamour promised an "incredible tale." And look, there's a dramatic scene where the protagonist — who weighs in, by the way in case if you were interested in comparing your BMI to hers, at 110 pounds — sees her "taller, bigger" thief at a Starbucks.
Lodrick ran up to the driver and yelled, "Don't drive away! This woman stole my identity! I've got 911 on the phone—they are on their way." The woman stared at her, stunned. The cab driver lifted his hands off the wheel. "You're scaring me," the woman said as she jumped out of the cab. "Stop following me!"
"I'm really scared too!" Lodrick called after her. "Can you just wait for the police to come? I'll apologize if I'm wrong."
But her instincts told her she wasn't.
At the police station, Lodrick learned a few things about her doppelganger: Her real name was Maria Nelson. She was 31 and had a record of 75 prior felony arrests—for burglary, drugs and identity fraud—as well as a methamphetamine and heroin habit. "I thought, Wow. Not only have I been buying this woman clothes, but I've probably been buying her drugs, too," Lodrick says.
Probably! Have you ever watched, like, television?
Yeah, I won't be missing it to read Glamour again.
"I Chased Down My Identity Thief" [Glamour]