Hanging thick in the London air today isn’t the city’s notorious fog, but the supposed tension between two royal (one ex-royal?) women. Tabloid reporters are risking carpal tunnel syndrome at the rate they are fiercely wringing drama out of any interaction (or lack thereof) between Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle. The latest incidence is Kate idly staring into the middle distance, as Meghan dares to stand in said middle distance—which some have interpreted as Kate slinging an “icy glare” at her sister-in-law.
Icy-glare-gate is just the most recent non-scandal in a long history of a much overhyped, if not entirely fabricated, cold war between the two women. The tabloids don’t miss any opportunity to dump smoke where there might not even be fire.
Let’s play a little game in which you try to spot the difference between the real headlines from this week and the ones I’ve generated in my head this morning:
“Kate Sneezes, Body Language Expert Reveals Meghan’s Involvement”
“Meghan One Year Older Than Queen-to-be Kate. Why?”
“Bee Spotted Buzzing Between Kate and Meghan - An Entomologist Weighs In.”
“Kate and Meghan—Both Women. Royal Family Did Not Foresee This, Is in Shambles.”
“‘We’re Eating Well Tonight, Bitches’ - Body Language Experts in High Demand As Royals Tasked to Stand Near Each Other.”
“Kate Has Toothache. Meghan Spotted at Dentist Last Week?!?”
“Fashion Faux Pas? Both Meghan and Kate Wear Black to Queen’s Funeral.”
“Royal Body Language Experts Agree: Kate Is White, Meghan Is Half-Black, Half-White.”
“Meghan’s Stomach Grumbles, Kate Reportedly Does Not Offer Her Kensington Chef.”
“Prince Harry Nice to Wife. What the Fuck is Up With That?”
“Double Trouble in Windsor? Kate and Meghan Start to Say Something at the Same Time, Kate Concedes, Meghan: ‘No, You First.’”
“Forensic Climatologist on What All the Empty Space Between Kate and Meghan Might Mean: Could Be Anything.”
“Women? Able to Be Friends? Not if Queen Has Anything to Say About It.”
Perhaps the links on the real ones gave it away, but nevertheless, I really enjoyed this exercise.