I Went For A Colonic And All I Got Was A Load Of Crap

Click to viewI've had poop issues for some time now. I'm pretty sure I have some kind of mild IBS, although IBS is really just a blanket term for a host of gastrointestinal problems. Anyway, I've only pooped four times in the past three weeks. (Most likely caused by my love affair with any and all cheeses.) So this weekend, on my 8th straight day of constipation, I went to NYC's Great Jones Spa for my very first colonic to try get out the shit that's been keeping me dressed in pseudo-maternity tops. Lemme tell you something: It was not fun. I guess it wasn't supposed to be, but honestly, I had to sit through 45 minutes of what felt like heavy period cramps, all while fearless Intern Betty stood by my side to film the process (and hold my crossword book for when I had to move to the toilet at the end). I felt much better afterward (and emptied myself of an impressive 2.5 lbs of poop), but I think I'll be relying on my new dairy-free diet to move me from now on. Clip above.

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aww, I haven't watched this yet but your little scared face makes me very sorry for your poop probs. I too have always wanted to do this so hopefully I find it both informative and entertaining.

Some suggestions to add to the list:

Fiber is good but you MUST MUST MUST take a fish oil capsule with it.

Stool softners are great and not as scary or as painful as laxitives.

Drink hot coffee and cold water.

Also, there is a cleanse called "first cleanse" that isn't starvation or anything wierd - just an herbal capsule you take twice a day - does wonders for regulating your system with no scary poop explosion side effects.