I Really Want This Fashion Nova Bodysuit That Will Only Cover 15 Percent of My Labia

Fast fashion empire Fashion Nova has a little something for everyone: The assless chaps aficionados, the corporate Cardi Bs, the vultures looking for iconic designer knock offs (thanks, Kim!), and the average consumer who just want to find trendy plus size jeans on the cheap. Now, they have something just for me: This red pleather bodysuit that will probably give me a labial wedgie.

Yes, the red Here For Fun Bodysuit (also available in an equally cooch-defying black) may result in a trip to the gynecologist. It may literally have to cling on for dear life upon a single labium majus. But any resulting irritation or yeast infection from this little 95 percent polyester, 5 percent spandex number would be 100 percent worth it, if only to complete the look with this pair of matching red pleather pants:

Do I want to put more money in the hands of a fast fashion retailer that brazenly steals from indie designers and is in cahoots with the Kardashians? No. But who needs ethics or a labia when I could look like the Gen Z version of Britney Spears in the “Oops!…I Did It Again” catsuit?

I dare you to talk me out of it. Scratch that, I’m begging you to talk me out of it.