To read Us Weekly is to read not just about celebrities, but celebrities who flaunt. Nearly every day, the site publishes an article about one of them walking around this planet flaunting something, from a baby bump to a boyfriend. The use of the word has become a bit of an in-joke among the site’s commenters, as well. They make fun of “flaunt” when it appears and mockingly ask where the word is when it doesn’t.
After using the site’s internal search function to browse through 12 months of Us Weekly articles (April 2014-April 2015) containing the word of words, I learned they used it 159 times - about once every two days. (The number was lower I’d expected, so I’ve decided to chalk that up to an imperfect search function.)
But who’s doing the flaunting, and what, exactly, is being flaunted? First, let’s break it down by gender.
Of the 106 celebrities who flaunted over those 12 months, 99 were women and 7 were men. This should surprise no one who reads Us Weekly. So let’s move on. What were these famous people flaunting, anyway?
The most common thing for a celebrity to flaunt was their body, which I used as a catch-all for general, nonspecific references to the entirety of one’s flesh and bones. This included terms such as “bod,” “frame,” “beach bod,” and “figure.” When individual body parts were called out, they received their own category.
As you can see above, the most flaunted body parts among all celebrities were abs, which made me squint out of surprise and say, “Huh!”
The second-most flaunted body part was the elusive baby bump. 14 instances (two of which were from Kristen Bell) of baby bump flaunts! And baby bump tied with legs! Famous people were flaunting their baby bumps as often as they flaunted their legs. How odd.
Cleavage came next with 12 instances (this was my predicted winner among the individual body parts), and was followed by assets and curves, which tied with 11 each. I believe Us Weekly used “assets” in reference to breasts or butts, but because it was never made clear, I kept the term as its own category. Maybe, to Us Weekly, the most important assets are intangible! Maybe they were referencing the celebrity’s spirit! Who the hell knows.
Some categories were celebrity-specific and only used once. These were the most notable:
- Assets, Fake - Jennifer Aniston, while wearing inflatable cleavage.
- Talent, Brains, and Beauty - Miss America contestants, while wearing bikinis
- Joshua Jackson - Diane Kruger, girlfriend of Joshua Jackson
- Genes - The son of Pierce Brosnan
- Love for the Dramatic - Sarah Jessica Parker
- Baby Bump, Pre-Bump - Zoe Saldana
- Baby Bump, Burgeoning - Zoe Saldana
- Wedding Ring - Kanye West
Phew. OK. Now let’s move on to the celebrities who did the most flaunting.
Taylor Swift, arguably the most famous person on the list, only flaunted [her legs] once. Even Melanie Griffith [hourglass figure / bikini body] and Pippa Middleton [slim waistline / perky assets] did more flaunting, with two instances each. But it was Kim Kardashian who flaunted more than anyone else. Here’s a breakdown of her most-flaunted items:
Kim flaunted her cleavage most, with four instances in 12 months. She also enjoyed flaunting her curves and assets, though I remain uncertain as to what assets even are.
Here’s to another year of flaunting, Hollywood! After all, to flaunt is to be.
Illustrations by Jim Cooke
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.