"I know: Barf," writes Peggy Noonan in today's Journal, in the only good thing about having to do this crap the Friday before Memorial Day weekend and after another night of pointless inebriation. "One wants to be sympathetic to Mrs. Clinton at this point, if for no other reason than to show one's range," she continues, but then she's all, "Fuck that; the only thing I still believe from the Reagan era is that Geraldine Ferraro is an asshole, click Bill Kristol for 'range,' motherfuckers!" Megan and I parse Peggy's latest effort, Sex and the Sissy, and also talk crazy preachers, Bobby Jindal, why that Obama and the Jews story's placement in the top position on the Times Most Emailed List is not reflective of any actual electoral trends, and finally: Hillary as VP…is that really what we want? I know: Barf.
MOE: I guess we need to start this now. Peggy Noonan
And they were on the right side, connected to the one making the breakthrough, shattering the glass. They were going to be part of breaking it into a million little pieces that could rain down softly during the balloon drop at the historic convention, each of them catching the glow of the lights. Some network reporter was going to say, "They look like pieces of the glass ceiling that has finally been shattered."
I know: Barf. But also: Fine. Politics should be fun.
MOE: This could sorta be an R. Kelly song:
You want to say "Girl, butch up, you are playing in the leagues, they get bruised in the leagues, they break each other's bones, they like to hit you low and hear the crack, it's like that for the boys and for the girls."
MEGAN: My dad's nickname is Butch. Also, wtf is with the overwrought imagery today, Peggy? And why is there a crazy loud motorcycle idling outside my window?
MOE: I'm sure at this point, Peggy Noonan has a programmable robot supplying her with the day's overwrought imagery but that glass ceiling line seems like it might have come old school from her own pen…and I suppose we could talk about Hagee although if it's not newsworthy enough to occupy a minute on the fair and balanced network…
MEGAN: I love, by the way, that calling the Catholic Church the "great whore" and suggesting that Katrina was punishment for not being assholes to gay people was totally acceptable to the campaign, but suggesting that Hitler was sent by God to drive the Jews to Palestine which is needed to bring about the rapture is the thing that gets Hagee the boot. Jews in Florida that don't like Obama? This one's for you.
MOE: One thing I wondered reading fucking Michael Gerson (why did I do that?) this morning is whether the Republicans, when they are skewering Obama's ability to win over these guys:
Tough hill-country men voted for her, men so backward they'd give the lady a chair in the union hall. Tough Catholic men in the outer suburbs voted for her, men so backward they'd call a woman a lady. And all of them so naturally courteous that they'd realize, in offering the chair or addressing the lady, that they might have given offense, and awkwardly joke at themselves to take away the sting. These are great men. And Hillary got her share, more than her share, of their votes.
…ever stop mid-sentence and say to themselves, "Oh yeah…Reagan Democrats…we sure rendered those guys economically extinct!"
MEGAN: Oh, wait, and while he's making his point he gets to make an offhand slap at all us snotty little feminists, too, who think that men that give up seats for us are terrible human beings. Actually, Mikey, I wouldn't take the seat because that guy's probably been on his feet all day (and I worked in a factory, so I know how much that sucks even when you're 19) and he's probably as old as my dad and I would think it rude of me to accept even though it would be nice of him to offer. And I'll bet my dad, a union member who occasionally attends Catholic church with my mom and lives in a rural area, voted for Obama.
MOE: Eugene Robinson quotes the Talking Heads today.
MEGAN: Is it sad that I saw that headline and my reptile brain started singing "What a Girl Wants"?
MOE: Oh sorry that quote was from Noonan, who was actually writing about sexism.
Where to begin? One wants to be sympathetic to Mrs. Clinton at this point, if for no other reason than to show one's range. But her last weeks have been, and her next weeks will likely be, one long exercise in summoning further denunciations. It is something new in politics, the How Else Can I Offend You Tour.
MEGAN: Um, ok, well, I take it back about Mikey.
MEGAN: But if she was actually saying that, I'm saying it to Peggy now. Also, the How Else Can I Offend You tour made me snicker a little.
MOE: "If only to show one's range" was pretty good.
MEGAN: So, is that what Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh have been doing? Showing their range?
MEGAN: Oooh, ooh, Parsley's got videos in which he's all spitting angry mad and bringing The Crazy, and they showed them just now on MSNBC, but I'm sure we'll never see them again
MOE: Oooh ooh tell me more about Parsley I'm too lazy to Google.
MEGAN: He endorsed McCain like ages ago.
MOE: Also dude I think Coulter showed some range with the Hillary thing. Conservatives really do fucking hate McCain. Limbaugh was just being himself. Also a reader wants us to discuss Hillary as VP. Um…what's to discuss: maybe a "dream"…but not a pleasant one
MEGAN: He's totally crazy, and McCain just rejected him and his endorsement.
MEGAN: Oh, for Chrissakes, why would she give up a Senate seat? I get that Bill wants to be the VP's husband or something because he'll be more prominent and he lurves him some Executive Branch (having never served in the legislative one), but that would be stupid, to give up a lifetime Senate seat for VP. Al Gore showed it's no guarantee to the Presidency
MOE: It sounds horrible and bad to live through, like a piano fallen through a roof or something, but then there's also the part of me that perceives the election through some internal amiable-but-reflexively-anti-"Liberal" angry white man Obama Needs To Win and he just hates it on basic "What the shit, a black guy running with a woman now? What are we trying to prove here?" terms. It's illogical, because she's actually just about the most qualified candidate and on some level not picking her to be VP might be sexist, but it's also not why she would be a nightmare running mate.
MEGAN: She would be a nightmare running mate because she wouldn't be a running mate, she'd garner as much if not more media attention. It would be a co-ticket, or certainly perceived that way, and I can't imagine her wanting to be second banana so I can't think that she'd allow herself to play that role (and good for her).
MEGAN: And, by that role, I mean, she wouldn't allow herself to recede into the background even a little bit.
MEGAN: And she shouldn't, and she shouldn't be asked to. She'll be far more powerful in the Senate than she'll ever be as VP.
MOE: Hahaha McCain just promoted Obama to "young man" from his previous status of "boy."
MEGAN: Oh, good, someone finally explained to him that other people get the racist implications of that. Congrats, McCain staffers.
MOE: Well some "old hand" named Jim Johnson is apparently running Obama's veepstakes but you didn't hear that from me:
Democratic officials on Thursday discussed Mr. Johnson's role on condition of anonymity because Mr. Obama had demanded that the process be kept secret and they did not want him to know they were talking about it. Advisers to Mr. Obama declined to discuss the search or any elements of the process.
Disciplined campaigns are totes boring.
MEGAN: Hahaha, I love how they're like, don't tell him we're talking about him, press!! I wonder if those "Democratic officials" are the same ones that inspired the story about Bill wanting Hillary to get it...
MOE: I meant to bring it back to the Jews again but now I've gotta post this fucking thing:
If Jews do flock to John McCain this fall, Obama would be in some trouble (assuming, of course, that Hillary Clinton doesn't win the nomination through a miracle more impressive than the one commemorated every year at Hanukkah); a strong majority of Jewish voters has gone Democratic in presidential elections since 1924. Jews have favored the Democrat in 21 straight presidential elections, and by an average margin of 3-to-1.
MEGAN: Well, but we've never had a Muslim running before.
MOE: WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY! Ooooh guess what percentage of Florida is Jewish?
MEGAN: Well, since my grandparents moved back to upstate New York, can I say 100?
But a Gallup poll last month — in the midst of the Wright drama — found Obama beating McCain 61-32 among Jewish voters, a far wider margin than among the population as a whole. While that's lower than John Kerry's 76 percent margin among Jews (and 5 points lower than the 66 percent Hillary Clinton got in the same poll), Obama's campaign isn't worried about making up the difference by November. "If we're beating McCain 2-1 after 'Obama is a Muslim' scares and a month of Rev. Wright, then we're doing pretty well," one aide said.
MEGAN: So he needs to get 75% of 5% of the population to win the state or something? Jesus Christ, people, this is what happens when nobody votes, stupid shit like this matters.