Though host Chris Harrison and numerous contestants went to great lengths Monday evening to prove that the show’s decision to have two Bachelorettes was supremely “awkward,” the most awkward thing was the contestant they let through the door who was such a drunk asshole that he was sent home before he even got to pick his favorite lady.

There’s usually one guy or girl each season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette who, early on, gets too drunk at a Rose Ceremony and is sent home because they’ve embarrassed themselves. The producers want that; the contestants are plied with alcohol to make them say and do stupid shit.

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“Change is never easy,” Chris Harrison said at the start of the episode, explaining with barely contained glee that “some [viewers] are downright angry” by the producers’ decision to take Britt and Kaitlyn, two women from last season’s Bachelor, and allow a group of men to pick the one they like best, before things shift to where they should be and the remaining Bachelorette gets to pick her man from the suitors.

We don’t know yet who it will be (unless you’ve caught wind of the answer on your own; the cat was out of that bag on the internet awhile back), and we won’t know until tonight, when the second part of the episode airs. So the most dramatic thing during part one was the ousting of Ryan M., a lovely gentleman who grabbed Kaitlyn’s ass, yelled at a suitor who showed up in a hot tub car, apparently referred to women as bitches and hoes, went swimming in his underwear, and, when asked by fellow contestant JJ, “Why are you taking your shirt off right now?” responded, “Why am I not raping you right now?”

Perhaps Ryan’s fate should have been predicted; he is former Bachelor contestant Nikki Ferrell’s ex-boyfriend — you know, Nikki, as in, Nikki and Juan Pablo. Despite a stint on Couples Therapy, Juan Pablo and Nikki are no longer together, which Ryan wisely predicted, telling Star Magazine before they broke up:

“Juan Pablo doesn’t care about you at all,” he warns the pediatric nurse in an exclusive interview with Star. “He’s a total zero, and if you’ve really fallen for him, this bum will only break your heart!”

Ryan later told Life & Style that he wanted to get back together with Nikki. Last night, he posted the following nonsensical Instagram, sort of based upon him drunkenly calling Chris Harrison Chris Hansen?

The caption reads:

Chris Hansen . Complete buzzkill. #kaitlynfoundlove. What a joke #hornedup #placewasdeadanyways . *single pistol, *thumbs to chest . “Shooter”

“Wow, what a gentleman,” said Kaitlyn during a ITM (in the moment interview). “Hey Ryan, don’t touch my ass again. I am all about good fun, but no, I didn’t like that. Ryan, I think crossed the line.”

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Wow, what a fun night: competing with another woman for the affections of a carefully curated group of high quality men. Hey, I guess you gotta kiss a lot of frogs.


Contact the author at dries@jezebel.com.

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