I Ask Dudes To Cum On My Ass On The First Date

Illustration for article titled I Ask Dudes To Cum On My Ass On The First Date

Well, I don't really ask dudes to get cum so close to my baby maker on the first date, but definitely eventually, if we keep banging, I'll request a superficial anal cream pie. Confused by the term? I didn't know what it meant either, until I opened myself up to pornography. The first time I heard about cream pies I was like, "Oh God, that's so gross! And filthy. And dirty. And hot!" So yesterday, when Moe complained that porn ruined sex by making dudes want to do cum-drenched dirty things, I thought, "Wait, it's not just the dudes!" 'Cause isn't the best sex dirty sex? (Well, unless you're one of those jerks who "makes love" and gazes into your partner's eyes and kiss each other softly on the face.)

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But really, the nastier, and uninhibited the better. Sometimes performing a specific act — like say, getting tit fucked — is satisfying, not because it necessarily feels better than other stuff, but because it's so dirty that it's a turn on. Of course, if you're not into that sort of thing, then that's totally cool. Just don't fuck dudes who are. Frankly, if you're having sex in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, you're either a retard or a rape victim.

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Sex is such a mental thing for women, that porno can really help one determine the parameters of what's vanilla, so that you can step the fuck out of the box and be adventurous. Porn has definitely not only given me new ideas, but also the confidence to try out the lewd ones I'd already dreamed up during Magic Wand sessions.

And it's not just men and sicko perverts like me who make use of the vast world of carnal knowledge that the adult entertainment industry has to offer. Have you picked up an issue of O magazine lately? Oprah has her sex columnist (and Sex And The City writer) Cindy Chupack and other writers discuss porno and make dirty movie recommendations practically on the regular.

You know, it's not like porn taught me how to have sex. But it did teach me to have better sex than I'd been having, if only because it opened up my world to all the smutty, nasty shit I love so much. So I just want to say, thanks, porno. If it weren't for you, then dudes probably wouldn't know that it's totally cool for them to ask me to sit on their faces while they do what needs to get done.

Earlier: How About You Don't Ask To Come On My Face On The First Date?

Related: Study: Young adults now find porn more acceptable [USA Today]

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mehblahpfft
MehBlahPfft

@hushnowcharlotte: While we're not quite in the same boat, I think our two ships are passing in the night... or at least we're sailing to nearby islands... I love, love, love sex and naughty, "porn-style" sex. Spankings incorporated into the boudoir activities are practically a religious experience. However, I've yet to find a porno that reflects my gusto for the same acts. No one seems to enjoy themselves! My husband and I have long talked of starting our own porno company: real actors, real couples (or at least proven sexually compatible people), and ACTUAL sex. AND NO SPITTING!!!! What is it with porn and spitting!?