Hugo Chavez Receives Diplomatic Mission From Naomi Campbell And Her Rogue Mobile Phone

Illustration for article titled Hugo Chavez Receives Diplomatic Mission From Naomi Campbell And Her Rogue Mobile Phone

Happy Halloween! Yesterday sucked so bad I forgot about those days where the news is so weird you can only think, "who needs scripted television?" Ha ha ha ha, please don't go on strike people responsible for 30 Rock. But Kucinich told us about his UFO sighting on national TV, Naomi Campbell donned her best community service stilettos to visit Hugo Chavez in Venezuela, the Republicans produced a special costumed holiday edition man-on-man butt sex scandal, and a new poll corroborated the conventional wisdom that flubs and flip-flopping aside, a Hillary Clinton presidency is inevitable. Wesley Clark is the predicted running mate, and um the poll was conducted on the witch population.

A bunch of rabid anti-war protesters who turned out to be even rabider anti-gay church members got sued by this guy whose dead soldier son's funeral they chanted at and the dad won a bunch of money today, and New Zealand is trying to get men to grow long Burt Reynolds moustaches in the name of people who need fake hair. Like I do, right now? And speaking of costumes our quote of the day goes to comedian-who-maybe-used-to-be-a-pimp Katt Williams, who just appeared on 'The Situation Room' to say: "So the concern is that, maybe I have offended myself?"

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What is about authoritarian dictators that makes certain people wet betwixt the legs? Castro and Chavez? Seriously? Campbell's pretty stupid but even she has to know about the political torture and killings ā€” not to mention the general human misery ā€” that her dreamboat has inflicted on Cuba for fifty years. Oliver Stone and Gabriel Garcia Marquez fight over the right to fellate the Maximum Leader. Chavez is just a Castro in training, for God's sake. That Venezuela even bothers having a Parliament is a joke. But some people will look the other way on totalitarianism as long as it flatters their politics. Too bad Stalin isn't still around for her to fawn over.