How Well Does Sex and the Single Girl's Sex Advice Hold Up?

Illustration for article titled How Well Does emSex and the Single Girl/ems Sex Advice Hold Up?

The late Helen Gurley Brown lived like Peggy, but she plotted like Joan. When she wrote Sex and the Single Girl, she was in her forties, and had been married for years. But that didn't stop her from crafting a book that helped rewrite the Old-Maid-at-Twenty-Three world of being a single lady in the 1960s. The book's influence is immeasurable, but how relevant is it at this point? Can you modernize the language and be left with some solid advice, or does Sex and the Single Girl best live on as a footnote in Brown's career? Read on.

Chapter 1: Women Alone? Oh Come Now!: "Theoretically a ‘nice' single woman has no sex life. What nonsense! She has a better sex life than most of her married friends. Her choice of partners is endless."

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Beyoncé wrote a song about it. Almost every girl I know in New York is... it. "Single" is not a thing to be lamented or pitied. Hell, it should maybe even be celebrated. Brown was ahead of her time in her assessment of single people (or, as I like to say, "people") and in knowing that being single has just as much value and potential for growth as being in one of them — whatchimacallums — relationships. That said, the book eventually starts to make it seem like being single is just a means to the end of not being single, and that's not exactly progressive.

Chapter 2. The Availables: The Men in Your Life

Brown suggests categorizing your potential bedmates like some kind of slutty anthropologist who I want to get drinks with. It's not a bad idea, actually, to assess your potentials on a scale of dateablity, but that outlook set up eventual Cosmo inanities like "The Hot Sex Prospect," "The Career Booster," and "The Ex-Boyfriend Who's Still Around." This kind of labeling simplifies things, but maybe you don't want to go around sharing your bed with a category.

Chapter 3: Where to Meet Them

Largely a chapter about flirting, this one argues — progressively — that women pursuing men is a-okay. It's good to be straightforward, to approach someone, and to learn how to handle rejection... then move on. Bravo.

Chapter 4. How to Be Sexy

Brown's definition of a sexy woman was, quite simply, a "woman who enjoys sex." I think that holds up pretty well. To her, enjoying sex was a holistic pursuit: get to know yourself sexually, develop confidence with all of the parts of your personality (not just the sexy ones), and take care of yourself. Nice work if you can get it.

Chapter 5. Nine to Five: "Mother Brown's Twelve Rules for Squirming, Worming, Inching, and Pinching Your Way to the Top."

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Ew, but, wormy language aside, Brown's best note from this chapter is this: get a job. And that's a fair point. It feels good to do stuff for yourself. Like pay rent. And buy food.

Chapter 7. The Apartment: "A chic apartment can tell the world that you, for one, are not one of those miserable, pitiful single creatures."

Sure — your home reflects who you are and what you care about. It's worth bearing in mind, however, that Brown's office was completely bedecked in pink and animal print. All things in moderation!

Want to see how the other chapters of Helen Gurley Brown's "Sex and the Single Girl" hold up? Squirm, worm, inch and pinch your way to Nerve for the rest!

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This post originally appeared on Nerve. Republished with permission.

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DISCUSSION

CJCarville
CJCarville

I'm down with all of this, except there are some people out there who were single for SO LONG that they are too set in their ways to make room for another person. I'm not saying ALL single people are like this, but I've seen a couple of scenarios where people who have been single for a long time get into relationships and can't make any compromises because they're set in their ways.

My sister goes nuts if anyone else picks a vacation destination that's even remotely different than what she wanted. She'll bail immediately at the first mention. When I lived with her, I got the same treatment all her other ex-roommates had: being anywhere outside my designated bedroom would cause her all sorts of anxiety. She has confessed that because she's been single nearly her whole adult life (and never lived with anyone) the prospect of having another person (even her own sister) living in her same space is just too much. The towels aren't folded right, the silverware isn't organized correctly, the bathroom door is left ajar, etc. Stuff like that. I feel bad because she very much wants a relationship in theory, but I don't think she could handle it in practice.

My ex was similar. Asking him to do anything that wasn't his original idea resulted in, "I don't want to go because I just don't want to. Do I have to have a reason?" When we discussed moving in together, he didn't want any of his things disturbed so...no room on bookshelves or closets. He was a lot like my sister — wanting the companionship but only on his random terms. And he was well into his 40s.

Like I said...not everyone is like this but for some people being single too long can get detrimental.