Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

How To Tie A Cherry Stem In A Knot With Your Tongue

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Everyone needs a New Year's party trick. Long before mine was saying the most outrageous thing I could think of, it was tying cherry stems in a knot with my tongue.

I was 12 when Audrey Horne did it on Twin Peaks to secure herself a job at a Canadian brothel. I thought it was by-God the most sexy thing ever and decided then and there (before I read that it was faked with a prop stem) that I was going to learn how to do it.

I mean, obviously.

Unfortunately for my still-probably-embarrassed mother, when does a 12-year-old have access to enough practice maraschino cherry stems but at a family function with an open bar. At least a dozen cherry stems, a massive sugar high and a bunch of snickering male relatives later, I knew how to do it. It took me another few years to actually do it drunk, and probably a couple years after that to put together that I never, ever look at sexy as Sherilyn Fenn while doing it. But if you want to try it, here's how you do it.

1. Select the longest cherry stem you can that has the notch-y bits intact on both ends.
2. In your mouth, use your tongue to bend it once about one-third of the way up the stem. You need one side to be slightly longer than the other. Cross the ends.
3. Flip the stem around, if necessary, so the notches point toward the back of your mouth and the longer half is on the bottom.
4. Using your tongue and the back of your teeth, push the loop part upwards, flipping it as though towards the back of your mouth while pressing it towards your teeth. Use your tongue to push the notch of the longer end through the loop as it is coming back down.
5. Use the notch to secure the longer end in the middle of the loop.
6. Extract it sexily (if possible) from your mouth. Amaze friends and bartenders alike.

Cherry photo via ata08. Drunken photo of me courtesy of SisterMaryMartha, who was not that impressed.