How to DIY Your Own Sexy College Admissions Crime Mom Costume

Yandy, the costume company that pissed off a lot of people last year with their totally fine sexy Handmaid’s Tale costume before eventually succumbing to public pressure and removing it from their website, is back at it with another topical reference for your forthcoming Halloween party. Their $69.95 (heh) “YANDY COLLEGE SCANDAL COSTUME” is clearly a riff on the ongoing Operation Varsity Blues investigations, in which Lori Loughlin and her husband Mossimo Giannulli could be looking at prison time for coughing up $500,000 in bribes to get their daughters into USC. Or maybe Yandy has drawn direct inspiration from Felicity Huffman, who was recently sentenced to 14 days in jail for paying a purported $15,000 to have someone else take her daughter’s SAT to secure her a place at an elite university. Either way, the costume itself is just a thotty orange jumpsuit with the words “Mom of the year” crossed out above the word “INMATE.”

The description for the fit reads:

Oops, you can’t always trust those motherly instincts. Turns out fame and intelligence don’t go hand in hand! Bribe your way to the admissions office and score the ultimate scholarly achievement (the best mom award!) in this exclusive College Scandal costume featuring a red orange crop top with “INMATE” printed in black, “MOM OF THE YEAR” printed in white and crossed out, fitted long sleeves, and matching high waisted pants with an elastic waist and “Yandy University” printed in black. Can’t row your way out of this one! (Choker not included.)

Whoever writes their copy deserves a raise. However, whoever designs the costume does not. How boring and dumb! A much better college admissions scandal costume would be “Aunt Becky awaits sentencing in a crime hat and/or crime visor.” This is also a very easy costume to DIY. Let me help you.

First, here’s some visual inspiration:

Have you ever seen anything that screams “white collar crime” more than these pics?

Come on.

It’s called so much wealth you think you’re above the law, sweetie, ever heard of it?

To pull off this look, you’ll need:

A large, cream-colored hat and/or visor. It must fully envelope your forehead, and bigger is better. Bucket hats are ideal, because you can pull that sucker straight over your face.
Oversized aviator sunglasses. (Actually, the shape of the frames shouldn’t matter too much, because your headwear is massive enough that it obscures the top half of your field of vision.)
A black turtle neck or white and/or cream linen top. Maybe a t-shirt from a proper fashion house, or perhaps a brand name jean jacket. You know, the (alleged) crime mom off-duty look.
A large purse to hide all of your secrets and court documents in.
A short ass skirt (or something), and high heels. (That’s what makes it sexy, obviously.)

That’s it. Great costume. If you wore that and we were competing at the same costume contest, I’d have no choice but to vote for you.