How Old Is She? Too Worked-On To Tell? Check The Earlobes!

Illustration for article titled How Old Is She? Too Worked-On To Tell? Check The Earlobes!

The lobe job is the new boob job, reports today's New York Observer. We didn't think there was much more to the story than, "There's a new obscure aspect of your appearance plastic surgeons are encouraging women like us to become insecure about, pass it on!" So we read it. And it's actually a little more interesting than that! It turns out women who are susceptible to this shit are really stupid.

"One patient only wore big, heavy earrings, and part of the reason was that she was trying to cover her stretched-out ears!" Dr. Sobel said. "She didn't realize that the big earrings were only making the earlobe stretch more. When the hole gets too big it starts to pull the ear down.


Ummmmmm, aren't you like legally required to wear clip-on earrings at a certain age???

Anyhow the story is really remarkable, in that it doesn't seem to discuss the issue of what happens if your giant earrings slice your earlobe right in half, like they did with my friend Heidi, who doesn't seem all that embarrassed about it. It's just about aging people who are really embarrassed by the sight of saggy earlobes — and even more embarrassed about being so embarrassed they got surgery — "so reluctant are ladies to talk about the ear-plumping experience, you'd think they we were discussing vaginal rejuvenation surgery here." Oh god, we can't wait for the story about all the procedures the plastic surgeons of the future invent to correct the unsightly sagging of piercings there. By which we mean, we totally can!

Lobe Jobs [New York Observer]



Interestingly enough, sometimes the "split" caused by earrings has nothing to do with age or heavy earrings. I had my ears pierced as a very little girl (2 or 3) and only wore post earrings. At 5, the right piercing split, painlessly. Essentially, my body healed it out. Same with my bellybutton ring 13 years later.

It's like I'm Wolverine from the X-Men. Go on and shoot me! I'll just heal the bullets out!