How In The Name Of Allah Do You Spend $10 Million On A Bat Mitzvah?

Illustration for article titled How In The Name Of Allah Do You Spend $10 Million On A Bat Mitzvah?

Ten million dollars is one of those sums, like a billion or a gazillion, that is hard to actually get your head around unless you are, like, a celebrity or a CFO of a company or happen to know someone really fucking rich. Needless to say I am the lattermost, which is why I still can't let go of the evil defense contractor who was charged yesterday of letting troops die at the hands of his shoddy body armour so his daughter could have a $10 million bat mitzvah. What did they, hold the thing at the local International Space Station? (Because you could have an intimate party in an actual spaceship for 50 on $10 million.) Yeah, so 50 Cent and Aerosmith performed. $10 million could buy you practically an entire year of Madonna performances, and you'd get to share in her perfume sales. So what, did they give out Birkin goodie bags? (If Hermes even manufactured $10 million worth of Birkin bags in a year that might be a possibility, but they don't.)


Ten million dollars could probably buy a whole lifespan's worth of Super Sweet Sixteens on par with that Ponzi scheming oilman's daughter. Which I know because it dwarfs the cost of this wedding I heard about once wherein the bride flew out 250 of her closest friends to Irael for a week of insanely luxurious Mossad-guarded, lavish food/tours of sacred ruins regular tourists aren't allowed to see/open bars.

Yeah, so, I'm no forensic accountant, but I think we can all see where this is headed. Ranting and raving about how David Brooks ripped off the American taxpayer and sold out the military all so his daughter could make it into the Guinness Book of JAP, is distracting us from the real fraud: David Brooks was robbed. This was maybe a ten million Hong Kong Dollar soiree at best, and some rogue party planner is laughing all the way to the bank. Your only choice is to laugh with her.



Hmm. I grew up in the NJ suburbs and we were nearly all Jewish and we all used to the word JAP all the time. We cooed over The JAP Handbook at slumber parties, because our town was namechecked in it. One could be a JAP and not be Jewish and be Jewish and not be a JAP. Also in use was its adjectival form, jappy, which was positive more often than not. As in: A: I went shoe shopping yesterday. B: Oh? Get anything? B: Yeah, some sandals. They're kinda cute and jappy."

I do, however, recognize that the word really only existed in this mainly neutral form in the tri-state area, and I don't tend to use the word anymore, mostly because it just doesn't signify correctly to folks who didn't grow up where I did.