Illustration for article titled How Does Your Vagina Measure Up?

"In simple words: All women want to be pretty, tight and small down there!" Or so says the Vagina Institute (link NSFW), a website that specializes in "collecting and processing data and information about the vulva and vagina, [and] defining what is feminine and what is not!" Frankly, with all the closeup spread-eagle shots, the Vagina Institute's site seems more like porn for vulva fetishists than actual science, particularly because much of the site is for subscribers only. For just $17.95 a month, one can "explore the difference between pretty and ugly vaginas," learn "facts" like "the bigger the vagina is in size, the more vaginal odor it will emit," and find out "crazy, weird and unbelievable things women do with their vaginas."


But there's plenty you can experience on the site for free, like the test, "How well does my vagina measure up?" In the interest of science, I got out a ruler and a makeshift dipstick in order to determine the length of my vagina, the width of its opening, and the length of my "erected clitoris."

I'm no stranger to putting my labia to work for this site. And though I'm not exactly sure if I measured everything correctly (there were no instructions on how to do so), after I completed the test, these are the results I got:

The quality of your vulva is of 77.5 points. Based on the answers that you have provided, your Vulva and Vagina is [sic] of average quality.


I'm totally fine with having an average vagina, but trust me, I'd be just as okay with having a "lower grade" one, especially according to the Vagina Institute's retarded standards that claim "some variations are normal, although it will affect the appearance of your genitalia making it slightly less desirable or appealing." But really, what do I need a "perfect" vagina for? It's nothing but a utility vehicle for me. It would sort of be like having white carpet in a heavily trafficked area of your home.

The Vagina Institute

'Honey! Your Vagina Needs A Mint' [The F-Word]

Earlier: Pimp My Vadge

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If this is "science" why does every woman have acrylic nails when pointing too/ touching her lady business???