How Do You Break The Poop Ice With A New Paramour?

Illustration for article titled How Do You Break The Poop Ice With A New Paramour?

I'm leaving tonight to go on vacation. I'm taking a road trip to Tennessee and staying in a log cabin in the Smoky Mountains, going to Dollywood (Dolly is gonna be performing there!), and then onto Memphis. I'm going with my new boyfriend, whom I've only been seeing for about a month and a half. Things moved super quickly for us, and this is the fastest (and maybe only the second or third) time I've ever traveled with a boyfriend on vacation. Here's the thing: I'm freaking out about my poop. I have poop problems that I've documented here before. It's difficult enough for me to stay regular in the comforts of my own home, but when I'm in a foreign environment I become instantly and seriously constipated. On my last vacation I didn't go for eight days straight. And since I'm gonna be swimming in a heart-shaped pool at the Heartbreak Hotel in Memphis and lounging in a hot tub in Pigeon Forge, I really, really don't want to look bloated in a bikini.OK, so my main concern is constipation, but my #2 (heh) concern is what will happen when I finally do "release." I'm expecting my period to come smack dab in the middle of this trip, so I know that will hollow out my bowels. And those period craps - while totally a welcome relief from my regular irregularity when I'm sitting alone in my apartment - are going to be a problem. Because they're always loud. And smelly. And messy. And time-consuming. And after being backed up for a few days, it's gonna be even worse. I'm not really sure how I'm going to handle it. My relationship with this guy is so new that we haven't really crossed that bridge of pooping around one another yet. He's one of those guys that's gonna need some breaking-in as far as getting used to my incessant farting. (It's been killing me, holding them in!) But I guess if we're gonna make this relationship work, I'm gonna have to get over my poop fears. Once I get my period shit (hopefully around Sunday), this guy is gonna receive a baptism by fire. Earlier: I Went For A Colonic And All I Got Was A Load Of Crap



@bowleserised: great idea! seriously.

So, I'm opinionated about this and I think that you need to work on this, pronto.

RE: My dearest friend in the world thought she was sick all the time, then one day she described to me the pain she'd been feeling for 5 years, it was gas. I literally pushed her over the arm of the couch and danced until she laughed and released, it changed her life. Worrying and thinking about it only makes it worse!

My advice, bring it up now! Tell him you're excited about going away but that you're nervous about sharing a bathroom, I know you can easily make that convo light and funny and maybe even cute if that helps you. He's an adult and even if it's a little icky at first you are human, EVERYBODY POOPS!

Also, buy a small travel size canister of OZIUM, you can get it at the drug store, it's made for smoke (and genius if you're smoking any substance in a hotel room) but it's perfect for poops too and smells like citrus.

Good luck T!