How Anne Hathaway's Boyfriend Got Clinton To Underwrite Their Fabulous Romance

Illustration for article titled How Anne Hathaways Boyfriend Got Clinton To Underwrite Their Fabulous Romance

Remember Ann Hathaway's Italian Vatican-certified "I get wet just thinking about his charity work" boyfriend, Raffaello Follieri? You always knew he was a piece of shit. (Seriously, like Anne Hathaway is really a discriminating judge of character.) So today the WSJ's John Emshwiller, the original exposer of the full extent of the bullshit that was Enron, takes a look at the bullshit that is Raffaello Follieri in a fascinating piece about the Clintons and how they never met an ill-gotten gain they didn't love. Ron Burkle makes an appearance, as do Terry McAuliffe and especially top Clinton aide Douglas Band. A summary, for the ADDs:

Ok, so basically Doug Band befriended Raffaello two years ago probs at some party with models, and Clinton agreed, through a fund he co-ran with supermarket billionaire/Page Six fanboy Ron Burkle, to invest up to $100 million in Raffaello's plan to redevelop Catholic Church properties that the Church would have to sell to pay their massive sex-related legal bills, which Clinton related to, being himself mired in sex-related legal bills. (It made sense that Raffaello would be the one to do this because he had reached the advanced age of 27 years old and knew the nephew of the Vatican's secretary of state, and yeah, I bet you forgot the Vatican had a "secretary of state.") To his credit, Raffallo's resume also included numerous other business successes that were completely made-up, and his father was a famous businessman in Italy because he had been convicted of fraud. Anyway, so Doug Band took a few hundred Gs from Raffaello, who in turn took a lot of money from various other big money types, for introducing Raffaello to so many big money types, who invested in them because investments related to the Clintons have always gone so well, and meanwhile Raffaello commenced snagging $40,000-a-month co-ops, accepting Clinton Global Initiative distinctions, and fucking Anne Hathaway. Oh: and buying private jets. He was so busy he forgot about the whole real estate thing! And then Ron Burkle caught on and got mad. And planted a blind item in his favorite newspaper suggesting he was cheating on Anne Hathaway? But she didn't dump him and so finally Ron Burkle sued and now Clinton comes out looking like he's totally learned that lesson about rich people who spend all their time jetskiing and dropping your name are probably shady and have no agendas other than fame and model fucking but provide good distractions to keep the media away all those damaging stories about real issues and shit.

How Bill Clinton's Aide Facilitated A Messy Deal [WSJ]

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DISCUSSION

Funny how it all seems to come full circle - and then some.

Like the fact that the Catholic Church started to require that priests had to remain celibate. This wasn't about becoming closer to God - the Church didn't want their dead priests to have any pesky survivors who would seek to retain any acquired property.

So fast forward to present day where we see the Catholic Church has a long tradition of bringing in men who so strongly deny their sexual inclinations that they manifest themselves in far more damaging and hideous ways.

The Church has covered this up for YEARS and as a result they're still losing their property.

Lesson: Don't cling so hard to the Earthly shit you keep harping on your followers to reject.