Dear Obama foreign policy adviser Samantha Power, you are hot. You are Elizabeth Kucinich hot, maybe even Huma Abedin hot. But you like to say "Fuck" and that's what really counts here. You play basketball. With George Clooney. You're a humanitarian. Marie Claire named you the Smartest Woman In America. You wrote a book on UN Sergio Vieira de Mello, which...reminds us that the Iraq War has killed not only 600,000 or so innocents, but some with really sexy names. You're not afraid to go back and admit that something you said before was "stupid." But we never really thought much about you until yesterday, when you gave an interview to a Scottish newspaper while drunk. Or something. You admitted you "fucked up" in Ohio. And then proceeded to fuck up some more! After the jump Megan Carpentier of the blog Glamocracy and I discuss whether it's possible Power called Hillary a "monster" affectionately, and also Condi, Pelosi, Boeing, Ed Rendell, anarchy in Times Square, text messages from Hamas and the Smurfs, in a special deluxe A380 sized TGIF IM. Viva Crap.
MEGAN: So, apparently we missed the memo yesterday? It was officially name calling day! We should spend the rest of Crappy Hour hurling invective at one another and other people in honor of the holiday, IMHO.
I mean, I don't really see any other reason to invoke Ken Starr or call one's opponent a monster.
Also, according to one of the news stations yesterday, Ickes and Penn got into it this week and devolved down to "Fuck you!" and "No, fuck you!"
MOE: I love that Samantha Power — declared the "smartest woman in America" last month by Marie Claire — gave that interview to the New Scotsman. Ummm what?
I also like how she says "We fucked up in Ohio."
MEGAN: And than is all "Oh, by the way, the headline making thing I just said is, like, totes off the record even though I said nothing would be." Like, was she drunk?
MOE: She sounds drunk. But also: "monster"... okay ... I mean, there's like "created a monster" and "monster trucks" and "cookie monster" and they all kind of have different connotations. Ughhhh but what do I know.
I kind of want Samantha Power for prez now.
MEGAN: Um, also this little gem: "You just look at [Clinton] and think, 'Ergh'."
I'm not saying I don't want to go get drunk with her because, frankly, if that's what she says to reporters sober, well, drinks are fucking on me and let's go somewhere that they'll make 'em strong and keep 'em coming.
But congrats to Obama's ENTIRE foreign policy shop for keeping your guy in the news in a bad way! You did in one week waht Clinton couldn't do in 3 months, and that's tar him!
Ok, well, fine Foolsbee [sic] is econ, but you know what I mean.
MOE: Well I guess this takes away from the whole "disciplined campaign" thing...but...Ken Starr? Ken fucking Starr? Not that I want anyone seeing my tax returns. In fact, I am going to change the subject how bout.
And now how about I call everyone's attention to this somewhat puzzling comment of yesterday regarding Hillary's assertion that she had felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. It's about Smurfette.
MEGAN: Things I thought when tracking back to the Holy Spirit article: OMG, Christian Broadcasting Network? Wait, They have a "senior" national news correspondent? Wait, this article isn't negative? Wow, the right really does want her to win the nomination. OMG, head exploding
Also someone has spent waaaay too much time thinking about the Smurfs.
es
MOE: Um, okay, topic switch. Back to Pennsylvania. Hillary has Governor Ed Rendell on her side, former mayor of Philadelphia, crusty lecherous fat gregarious machine politician known for busting unions and trying to get with writer Lisa De Paulo. His son is an Evangelical Christian, which is weird since he's a Jew, but whatev. Anyway, Anna sent me this story about how Pennsylvania could tip for Obama and I just don't see it. it's just...nah. People take orders from their block captains there, you know? Obama is fucked in Pennsylvania. I'm pretty sure. Fuck, I could be wrong. But you know.
MEGAN: Pennsylvania's a pretty machine state. Of course, the unions screwed the pooch in 04 where they split their own fucking ticket and backed both Arlen Specter and John Kerry, but whatevs.
MOE: Oh look fun, the Economist has turned it into a contest of wine drinkers vs. beer drinkers. I should take this opportunity to point out that Pennsylvania is a very good place to buy wine, as long as you do so before 9 pm., because the state is the largest purchaser of wine in the country, making it like the Wal Mart of decent wines. Props to the antiquated liquor laws; I never appreciated you till I saw Louisiana.
Arlen Specter is the machine. Ed Rendell is the machine. Comcast, the airport, a few law firms, the insurance company...they're all in this together, and none of them are particularly ideological, but if there's one thing they're not big on it's, you know, CHANGE.
MEGAN: Side note: fuck you, Comcast!
Ugh, Pennsylvania politics sound fun, and vaguely mobbed up.
MOE: You know what's also big in Pennsylvania, no surprise? ANARCHISTS. People say "change" and you think "oh those nasty dirty rotten crust punks squatting in the crack den? We thought that place was bad when it was a crack den..." And speaking of anarchists, they took credit for yesterday's terror attack on Times Square by sending postcards to Congress saying "We did it!" whereas Hamas, in stating it didn't bomb that Israeli school, just sent a text message. "We bless this operation. It will not be the last." Just notes on evildoer etiquette.
MEGAN: Except now they're saying that that LA-based anarchist/weird dude is not involved, he's just crazy and a bad writer.
MOE: Ah, so the lesson is, if you want people to take you seriously, just send a text message.
MEGAN: Unless you're dumping the person.
MOE: By the way, the Hamas text message...was that like, a group text message i.e. "karaoke sing sing 11 p.m. come out BYO!!!!" or an individual text message sent to the New York Times??
MEGAN: Dude, why does Hamas have the cell numbers of people for the NYT? Also, I'm guessing it's a blast text.
It's like, is there some terrorist Pr guy who walks around Gaza with a cell full of journalist numbers so he can text message everyone when they bomb stuff or kill people?
if that's the case, btw, I'm pretty sure there world is fucked.
MOE: P.S. did you hear about <a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2008/04/gaza200804"
>this story in Vanity Fair blaming Bush Condi et al for a botched coup that led to the Hamas takeover of Gaza?
Think on that for a second. I have to brew coffee before I like die or something.
MEGAN: Wow, for an Administration filled with neocons, they certainly didn't learn any lessons from previous Cold War Administrations about how to run a motherfucking coup in a small country in order to install friendly regimes.
Oh, wait, whoops, sorry, they've actually always sucks at it. My bad.
MOE: Apparently even "avowed neocons" were mad about it which is why Cheney's chief Middle East adviser resigned. But yeah, I mean, reading it you're just sort of struck with, wow, Bush was in a big hurry to do SOMETHING with Israel and Palestine...why exactly? Just bored?
"Everyone was against the elections," Dahlan says. Everyone except Bush. "Bush decided, 'I need an election. I want elections in the Palestinian Authority.' Everyone is following him in the American administration, and everyone is nagging Abbas, telling him, 'The president wants elections.' Fine. For what purpose?
Hahahaha oh man.
"Everyone blamed everyone else," says an official with the Department of Defense. "We sat there in the Pentagon and said, 'Who the fuck recommended this?' "
I'm sorry, I love all the uses of the word "Fuck" today. I am just so fucking stoked we're getting fucking rid of this fucking piece of shit.
MEGAN: Fucking a.
MOE: Um, also this is a side note, but what the fuck is Nancy Pelosi doing trying to make John McCain look bad...for his opposition to that indisputably shady Boeing tanker contract?
MEGAN: Like, OMG, Americans, look! McCain ran roughshod over an American defense contractor that was BRIBING military acquisition specialists to win contracts to supply stuff on which they couldn't deliver (cough, another case in point, Boeing's "virtual border fence," cough) and wasting taxpayer money, And thus people were prosecuted, the job was actually bid out and that's a bad thing! McCain's anti-American!!
Boo McCain!
Pelosi probably shouldn't help.
MOE: Yeah, I mean, are Americans stupid enough to believe that? Of course they're stupid enough to believe that. But is Nancy Pelosi really all that confident she's not going to have to deal with President McCain in a few short months? Because if she is all that confident I would like to know where that confidence is coming from. Oh! Cocaine maybe.
MEGAN: I think prolly a bunch of Americans would rather buy bad US crap than outsource it, yes. I'm just not sure that Pelosi WHO RODE INTO OFFICE on an anticorruption platform a little more than a year ago should be like, no, I mean, a little bribery is fine as long as it benefits American companies?
MOE: Also didn't Boeing's last plane get totally derailed because of BAD PARTS FROM CHINA??
Yeah, I actually have no idea whether that's true. I heard it from my dad. I guess I could Google it. God I am lazy.
MEGAN: Oh, everything is fucked by bad parts from China. They contract to certain specifications then make them however is cheapest and stamp the specs on it.
MOE: Google: 787 dreamliner parts
MEGAN: I want to say that, in Boeing's case, it was bolts or rivets or something
Yeah, I vaguely recall being in anti-counterfeiting meetings with a really lovely Boeing lobbyist and hearing her talk abut that.
MOE: Oh, look, here's a story on airplane parts. Frank Ahrens, didn't he used to cover...something inconsequential I actually used to read about? Music maybe? Good going on the aerospace beat Frank!
MEGAN: OMG, quality control
During a visit to one parts supplier, the inspector general's office observed an employee who "used a piece of paper, scotch-taped to the work surface, as a measuring device for a length of wire on an oil and fuel pressure transmitter."
. Well, I feel fucking safe now. Thanks, Boeing!
Also, perhaps a reason to love Airbus's anticompetitive subsidies?
I have a sleep deprivation inspired idea~
How about, rather than paying $10 in 9/11 fees so they can hire extra screeners to wipe down our shoes and examine our mini shampoo bottles, we pay those ten fucking dollars to a fund that the airlines can use to buy and maintain quality control over the parts they put into those big long metal tubes they send us 35,000 feet up in the air in? Because I'm far more afraid of the latter shit than the former, personally.
Related: A League Of Her Own [Men's Vogue]