A fairfield man was arrested on Thursday after he attempted to bite off his one-month-old son's nose. The baby's crime? Making too much noise.

Fairfield Police rushed to the home of 18-year-old Joshua Cooper early on Thursday morning after the baby's mother called 911 to report that her child was bleeding from the face. Upon arrival, police arrested Cooper, charging him with child cruelty and aggravated mayhem. Cooper contends that he was frustrated by the baby's incessant crying. Which, what? Do you know what babies do, dude? They cry! That is like their main job! They cry because they're new and the world is full of all sorts of stimuli that they're not used to and there's pooping and peeing and noises! And instead of seeing what happened to the baby you tried to bite its nose off? How did you even get the idea that this would accomplish anything besides make the baby cry more?


The baby was taken to NorthBay Medical Center in Fairfield, where it as determined that he had suffered major head trauma. He was then transferred to Children's Hospital Oakland, where it was concluded that he had suffered a skull fracture, a brain hemorrhage, and the loss of one-third of his nose. He remains in stable condition.

Image via The San Francisco Chronicle.