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Hookers, Victims & Doormats

Illustration for article titled Hookers, Victims  Doormats

Kirsten Dunst is thisclose to signing onto a starring role in the period (it's set in the '80s!) film All Good Things, playing a "beautiful girl from the wrong side of the tracks" who falls in love with a rich guy (Ryan Gosling) and then disappears, reports Variety. And one of Dunst's peers in young Hollywood hipsterdom, Selma Blair, has finally gotten a high-profile job: She is partnering with former SNL actress Molly Shannon for the comedy pilot Kath & Kim, based on the hit Australian sitcom of the same name about the wacky relationship between a mother and daughter. Lastly, Penelope Cruz will be voicing the role of Juarez the Guinea Pig in the half-animated/half-live-action film G-Force. Do you think she'll squeak in Spanish? [Variety, Reuters, UPI]

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DISCUSSION

I hate her more than any other actress in Hollywood. Shall I count the ways?

• Her eyes are too squinty

• Her eyes are too far apart

• The her upper lip is too large

• She has no lips, actually

• Her hair looks like the result of ten years of crack smoking

• She smiles like an idiot

• She couldn't act her way out of an episode of Sabado Gigante

And finally, she's WAAAAAAY too fucking skinny. For some reason she's confused with Julia Stiles, which I don't fucking understand at all. I hate this girl so, so much. She's ruined the Spiderman movies entirely for me.

Fuck.