Hooker-With-a-Heart-of-Gold Fairy Tale Pretty Woman Coming to Broadway

Pretty Woman, America’s favorite preposterous Happy Hooker fairy tale, is headed for the Broadway stage. Get ready for a musical number called “Big Mistake. Big. Huge. (reprise)”!

As Michael Reidel at The New York Post points out, the story is simple — and basically the same plot as My Fair Lady — yet thanks to Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, it made $500 million at the box office. Reidel says Garry Marshall, who directed the movie, is behind the musical, as well:

He’s in town this week with producer Paula Wagner, and they’re meeting with composers, lyricists and directors, all of whom are vying to bring “Pretty Woman” to the stage.

Can’t wait. Like the movie, the musical will, most likely, gloss over anything having to do with the realities of sex work. Sure, “the oldest profession” is also one of the most dangerous job in America — plagued by abuse and violence, with a very high murder rate (leading causes of death are homicide and drug ingestion) — but it’s also all about shopping, blingy jewelry and opera! If there’s one sure-fire way to make an audience forget about sex trafficking and AIDS, it’s to give ’em a jubilant, stomp-the-polo-field-divots dance number. And don’t forget the dude on the white horse — he’ll fix everything!